Every Tuesday we have a staff meeting at church. I take notes. Following the meeting, I re-write the notes and email it out to the staff and elders who weren't present. It's not my favorite thing to do.
While I acknowledge the merit and purpose of the notes, I was explaining to Shane, our worship minister, why I don't like to do the notes.
"It's just that I hear it when we sit in the meeting and talk, and then I take notes, and then I come out and rewrite the notes. I don't even like to do the spell check by the end of it. It's just so repetitive and redundant. "
At which point he not -so- funnily pointed out that I had just done the very thing I hated.
That's reason #10 why I think worship ministers should stay in their office during the day. :-)
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
I'm studying the Patriarchs right now, ( a Beth Moore study) which I LOVE. However, it is difficult to let it all sink in when you get behind and try to do six lessons in two days. My perfectionism wants to be caught up and 'on the right day'...at the expense of coming away without life changing insights.
I don't know if it's a girl thing or what... but it seems like I need a lot of organization & structure in my life. It's not even that I think organization is bad, but rather that my dependency on it can be sometimes as harmful as it is helpful.
I stress out at the interruptions of life. (As if they are ever going to stop!) I act surprised and have yet to adjust to the idea that daily surprises and interruptions are as predictable as my rountine is.
*Mentally* I know I need to be flexible. However, as with many things, the chasm between the way I respond in the little world in my head and the way I really respond is still pretty big. I get frustrated so easily. Shamefully so. I like the 'me' in my mind more than the 'me' I have to live with each day.
I believe beyond all doubt that the God's Spirit has the ability to remove that chasm...I'm just acknowledging that I'm not always willing to go through what it takes to get there. I hate the me that cycles through motiviation and self denial back into laziness or moodiness. I shamefully find myself praying for God to make it come easier to me, though I know that would lead to self reliance and hence self destruction pretty quickly.
So, for now... again, I struggle to take in all Paul shaerd in Romans 7 & 8. ..."in my inner being, I delight in God's law... but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! ... But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit that lives in you.. ....."
I believe it. Now if I can stop holding myself back from it's transformation for all my petty fears and preferences!
I don't know if it's a girl thing or what... but it seems like I need a lot of organization & structure in my life. It's not even that I think organization is bad, but rather that my dependency on it can be sometimes as harmful as it is helpful.
I stress out at the interruptions of life. (As if they are ever going to stop!) I act surprised and have yet to adjust to the idea that daily surprises and interruptions are as predictable as my rountine is.
*Mentally* I know I need to be flexible. However, as with many things, the chasm between the way I respond in the little world in my head and the way I really respond is still pretty big. I get frustrated so easily. Shamefully so. I like the 'me' in my mind more than the 'me' I have to live with each day.
I believe beyond all doubt that the God's Spirit has the ability to remove that chasm...I'm just acknowledging that I'm not always willing to go through what it takes to get there. I hate the me that cycles through motiviation and self denial back into laziness or moodiness. I shamefully find myself praying for God to make it come easier to me, though I know that would lead to self reliance and hence self destruction pretty quickly.
So, for now... again, I struggle to take in all Paul shaerd in Romans 7 & 8. ..."in my inner being, I delight in God's law... but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! ... But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit that lives in you.. ....."
I believe it. Now if I can stop holding myself back from it's transformation for all my petty fears and preferences!
Friday, November 03, 2006
Good Grief.
I do NOT wear big earrings.
I'm not even going to try and be serious till we get this out of our systems.
__________________________________
My son made up his own joke today:
What kind of tape does butter use?
Butterscotch.
That's pretty funny. :-)
I'm not even going to try and be serious till we get this out of our systems.
__________________________________
My son made up his own joke today:
What kind of tape does butter use?
Butterscotch.
That's pretty funny. :-)
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Okay, OKay, I'll go back to answering phones.
Working today... (can't you tell?)
Terry came in a few minutes ago and said that Phillip Yancy sent him a new book called something like 'Does God Answer Prayer?'.
I asked him if he called him back and told him no.
I have to publicize it when I'm funny. As Terry said, it was the ONE time.
Jason and I went to McDonalds for lunch -and in front of us was a car that said CSI - Christ saves individuals.
I went on and on ( just joking of course) about cutsie-secular logos that we have to make into something spiritual and in the end don't come out looking all that 'cool'. When I got done I asked Jason if he didn't agree, and he said :
"Well, I usually just try and shut you out when you go off the deep end like that."
It's a rough crowd around here. :-)
Terry came in a few minutes ago and said that Phillip Yancy sent him a new book called something like 'Does God Answer Prayer?'.
I asked him if he called him back and told him no.
I have to publicize it when I'm funny. As Terry said, it was the ONE time.
Jason and I went to McDonalds for lunch -and in front of us was a car that said CSI - Christ saves individuals.
I went on and on ( just joking of course) about cutsie-secular logos that we have to make into something spiritual and in the end don't come out looking all that 'cool'. When I got done I asked Jason if he didn't agree, and he said :
"Well, I usually just try and shut you out when you go off the deep end like that."
It's a rough crowd around here. :-)
Monday, October 30, 2006
Mondays
So this morning, for us... was a beautiful morning. Sometimes Monday's are hectic... but not today.
Last night, Jason read a storybook on Joshua and the fall of Jericho. He ruined it... but it was funny. At one point in the book there is an illustration from the last day when all the women, children, animals, etc come out to circle the wall, and it is a close up of a few people obviously yelling, as they were commanded to.
Jason thought Julia was getting bored. So he changed up the story a bit, and commented on what he imagined each person in the picture was yelling.
The old man, he imagined was yelling to his wife "Get me some supper woman! "
The child yelled: "This is NOT my safe-side adult." * *(Had to be at Memorial.)
Julia then joined in - assigning the goat as saying "I taste like chicken!!" ( that cracked US up.) and about a donkey in the picture, "I wish I was a horse...."
I don't know if the silliness will even translate in the telling... but the laughter of the kids was priceless. Didn't do much for their theology, but honestly they knew that story pretty well.
So this morning, no book was needed, it just began all over again as a repeating chorus of :
"Get me some supper woman!"
"This is NOT my safe-side adult!"
"I taste like chicken!"
"I wish I was a horse...."
And the kids just played off each other. Cracked me up.
On another note, as we were driving to school, we prayed (early)... to stop the repeating chorus above:-) , and after that began singing with the radio. Some contemp. christian songs were on, and as we turned onto the street towards his school Eli asked me if we could hurry and turn the radio off and sing one of his songs. So I did, and he began:
"Powerful, so powerful,
Your Glory fills the skies
Your mighty works displayed for all to see
The Beauty of your majesty
Awakes my heart to see
How marvelous, how wonderful You are!
Beautiful One I love
Beautiful One I adore
Beautiful One my soul must sing..."
He was clapping, repeating the song, and singing, all of us, at the top of our lungs -and it was awesome, for just our three little voices.
As we ended the song, rounded the corned and pulled up in front of the school, Eli sat back, laid his head up against the seat and looked out the window with a content smile on his face, and said quietly:
'I can't wait for next Sunday!'
Me either. :-)
Last night, Jason read a storybook on Joshua and the fall of Jericho. He ruined it... but it was funny. At one point in the book there is an illustration from the last day when all the women, children, animals, etc come out to circle the wall, and it is a close up of a few people obviously yelling, as they were commanded to.
Jason thought Julia was getting bored. So he changed up the story a bit, and commented on what he imagined each person in the picture was yelling.
The old man, he imagined was yelling to his wife "Get me some supper woman! "
The child yelled: "This is NOT my safe-side adult." * *(Had to be at Memorial.)
Julia then joined in - assigning the goat as saying "I taste like chicken!!" ( that cracked US up.) and about a donkey in the picture, "I wish I was a horse...."
I don't know if the silliness will even translate in the telling... but the laughter of the kids was priceless. Didn't do much for their theology, but honestly they knew that story pretty well.
So this morning, no book was needed, it just began all over again as a repeating chorus of :
"Get me some supper woman!"
"This is NOT my safe-side adult!"
"I taste like chicken!"
"I wish I was a horse...."
And the kids just played off each other. Cracked me up.
On another note, as we were driving to school, we prayed (early)... to stop the repeating chorus above:-) , and after that began singing with the radio. Some contemp. christian songs were on, and as we turned onto the street towards his school Eli asked me if we could hurry and turn the radio off and sing one of his songs. So I did, and he began:
"Powerful, so powerful,
Your Glory fills the skies
Your mighty works displayed for all to see
The Beauty of your majesty
Awakes my heart to see
How marvelous, how wonderful You are!
Beautiful One I love
Beautiful One I adore
Beautiful One my soul must sing..."
He was clapping, repeating the song, and singing, all of us, at the top of our lungs -and it was awesome, for just our three little voices.
As we ended the song, rounded the corned and pulled up in front of the school, Eli sat back, laid his head up against the seat and looked out the window with a content smile on his face, and said quietly:
'I can't wait for next Sunday!'
Me either. :-)
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Jumping up and down in my own living room IS a nice feeling......
WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WOOO HOO WOOO HOOO WOOO HOOO!
I don't know that I have ever watched ANY sports game from beginning to end. It's sad.
So I'm a bit of a latecomer... checking in for the World Series.... I know. No comparison here to all the real fans....
BUT..... the THRILL of tonight has just turned around my 32 year run streak of non-sports interest!!!! AWESOME!
WOOO HOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOO HOO WOOO HOOO WOOO HOOO!
I don't know that I have ever watched ANY sports game from beginning to end. It's sad.
So I'm a bit of a latecomer... checking in for the World Series.... I know. No comparison here to all the real fans....
BUT..... the THRILL of tonight has just turned around my 32 year run streak of non-sports interest!!!! AWESOME!
WOOO HOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, October 23, 2006
indignant
"When Jesus saw this, He was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kindfom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not recieve the kingdom of God like a little child will not enter it. " And he took the child in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them. Mark 10:14-16
I wish I knew how many times Jesus was indignant. It would be an interesting study... to compare my "indignants" with His. Maybe embarassing.
Maybe it was being with children all weekend... but it made me wonder. How do little children recieve the kingdom of heaven? What are some of the differences in the way they accept it in contrast to how adults accept it? I watch my own children, and have pondered just a couple thoughts, .... but I am really interested to learn from thoughts you may have.
No more aspirin for our family!
In the van, on the way home today.
Eli : "Mom, I'm not going to May's Drug store anymore...and I hope noone else will either."
Me: "Why, Eli?" ( Thinking... it is a little early for anyone to be setting him up to boycott something?)
Eli: " BECAUSE...... (hear it said in a "duh" condescending voice) .. well, you know what the counselor said about it! "
I turned to look at him, confused, until I saw the "Partnership for a Drug free America" ribbon pinned to his shirt.
Oh.
Eli : "Mom, I'm not going to May's Drug store anymore...and I hope noone else will either."
Me: "Why, Eli?" ( Thinking... it is a little early for anyone to be setting him up to boycott something?)
Eli: " BECAUSE...... (hear it said in a "duh" condescending voice) .. well, you know what the counselor said about it! "
I turned to look at him, confused, until I saw the "Partnership for a Drug free America" ribbon pinned to his shirt.
Oh.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Catching up
Okay - Theresa...how would I have a life without you? For us never getting to actually talk much --I don't know of a person who has more influence or control over my life. At least you wield your power over me for good. Thanks for my new hair do! Your lady is awesome! ( Even if I didn't have hairspray this mornign! )
My son is addictied to Lego Star Wars. You'd be proud.
Spent the weekend with the Kendall kids... it was great, an apparently I'm not so tired I couldn't check blogs and take this * OH SO TRUE OF ME* test inspired by T. Love you!
My son is addictied to Lego Star Wars. You'd be proud.
Spent the weekend with the Kendall kids... it was great, an apparently I'm not so tired I couldn't check blogs and take this * OH SO TRUE OF ME* test inspired by T. Love you!
| You Are Jan Brady |
 |
What Brady Are You?
Sunday, October 15, 2006
'Beautiful 'Timing
I slept in late today. (9:45.)
I love sleeping in... with the tiny exception of feeling like your day is half gone.
I left the house at 10:30 for a quick run to pick up a shower gift before I started on all I had to do today.
I returned at 4:30 this afternoon......
I happened to run into my mom... which never just happens. We live in the same town, but seriously can manage to not see each other except for a quick hello at church on Sundays every week. We still know we love each other... we're just not big communicators.
So, today, we ran into each other at the $1 store which was having a "Everything's .40 sale". Of course that would draw both of us like magnets from anywhere. So we had lunch... caught up.... and just enjoyed the time. It was really nice. And meaningful. Sometimes I am just way too busy...
What I love about God is that He knows that about us.
I was reading in Acts 3 tonight... Peter and John are headed to the temple for the 'hour of prayer'. At the same time, a man is being carried there to beg. Crippled from birth... this has been his daily tradition too... begging at the temple gate called "Beautiful."
Peter, John, and this man just 'happen' to cross paths at the same time. You may know the story... they look at him, he looks at them expecting a handout, and they give him way more than that. He rises to his feet for the first time... and the picture given is of a man so overwhelmed with joy he can't let go of them.. jumping up and down, praising God, and drawing so much attention... for this crowd now watching the commotion also knows this man as the one who "used to sit begging at the temple gate called 'Beautiful'." Enough attention is drawn, that Peter and John respond to the crowd and direct the credit to God...and spend a night in jail.
They had just started out towards the temple to pray.
He was just being carried to the gate to beg.
The temple gate was called 'Beautiful'.
Do you know what I discovered the word for "Beautiful" here means?
HOORAIN ( from horaios) "belonging to the right hour or season (timely) i.e. (by implication) beautous.
That gate was indeed timely... the right season... and Beautiful. God's timing may not always be our own, but when you see His working in it...the schedule you had laid out for yourself that day pales in comparison to His divine working.
I love sleeping in... with the tiny exception of feeling like your day is half gone.
I left the house at 10:30 for a quick run to pick up a shower gift before I started on all I had to do today.
I returned at 4:30 this afternoon......
I happened to run into my mom... which never just happens. We live in the same town, but seriously can manage to not see each other except for a quick hello at church on Sundays every week. We still know we love each other... we're just not big communicators.
So, today, we ran into each other at the $1 store which was having a "Everything's .40 sale". Of course that would draw both of us like magnets from anywhere. So we had lunch... caught up.... and just enjoyed the time. It was really nice. And meaningful. Sometimes I am just way too busy...
What I love about God is that He knows that about us.
I was reading in Acts 3 tonight... Peter and John are headed to the temple for the 'hour of prayer'. At the same time, a man is being carried there to beg. Crippled from birth... this has been his daily tradition too... begging at the temple gate called "Beautiful."
Peter, John, and this man just 'happen' to cross paths at the same time. You may know the story... they look at him, he looks at them expecting a handout, and they give him way more than that. He rises to his feet for the first time... and the picture given is of a man so overwhelmed with joy he can't let go of them.. jumping up and down, praising God, and drawing so much attention... for this crowd now watching the commotion also knows this man as the one who "used to sit begging at the temple gate called 'Beautiful'." Enough attention is drawn, that Peter and John respond to the crowd and direct the credit to God...and spend a night in jail.
They had just started out towards the temple to pray.
He was just being carried to the gate to beg.
The temple gate was called 'Beautiful'.
Do you know what I discovered the word for "Beautiful" here means?
HOORAIN ( from horaios) "belonging to the right hour or season (timely) i.e. (by implication) beautous.
That gate was indeed timely... the right season... and Beautiful. God's timing may not always be our own, but when you see His working in it...the schedule you had laid out for yourself that day pales in comparison to His divine working.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Quiet time
Two kiddos at home with Scarlet fever afforded a slow quiet day today. I am especially thankful that antibiotics make what used to be a serious threat now just simple recovery time. We are blessed people.
Eli and I sat and watched Extreme Home Makeover tonight. A headache sobered his normally talkative self, and I think made him extra emotional too.... he teared up multiple times during the show. But one moment was especially insightful.
This episode covered the building of a home for a mom who lost the use of her legs after protecting her young children during a tornado in Tennessee. While in the hospital following the storm, neighbors tried to salvage whatever was left of the family's belongings while dad tended to their young boys and mom in the hospital. Not much was left, but a cherished China set of her grandmother's, though shattered and broken into pieces, was preciously collected and guarded among their belongings.
One of the endeavors of the team was to take these pieces, and make with them a mosaic table top that became the focus on the front porch of the new home. Eli loved it. I loved even more his heart in the thoughts he expressed;
'Mom- look! It's just like Jesus! Sometimes he takes broken things and makes them more beautiful than they even were the first time!'
Praise God-- this is just so true.
Eli and I sat and watched Extreme Home Makeover tonight. A headache sobered his normally talkative self, and I think made him extra emotional too.... he teared up multiple times during the show. But one moment was especially insightful.
This episode covered the building of a home for a mom who lost the use of her legs after protecting her young children during a tornado in Tennessee. While in the hospital following the storm, neighbors tried to salvage whatever was left of the family's belongings while dad tended to their young boys and mom in the hospital. Not much was left, but a cherished China set of her grandmother's, though shattered and broken into pieces, was preciously collected and guarded among their belongings.
One of the endeavors of the team was to take these pieces, and make with them a mosaic table top that became the focus on the front porch of the new home. Eli loved it. I loved even more his heart in the thoughts he expressed;
'Mom- look! It's just like Jesus! Sometimes he takes broken things and makes them more beautiful than they even were the first time!'
Praise God-- this is just so true.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Our own little dog show....
In our house we have some little dog figurines. I love them, since we cant have a dog and there are quite a few of them that remind me of pets I have had in the past.
They sit on a shelf right at Julia's eye level. She loves them too. It has begun to crack us up - no matter how many times I display them in a nice and orderly fashion, I will come out only to find they are living a completely different life in her little world.
I have decided to start taking pictures of the "rearrangements" I find after she's been in the room . I'll leave the interpretation of what's going on in her imagination up to you. And I'll post more as we find them. :-)
Catching up on pictures from Branson
This is an amazing rainbow outside our room in Branson. 
This was a weekend of many storms: most formed over us and moved out east.
I love weather!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Chicken Noodle soup for the soul....
Jules came home sick yesterday. Last night, she asked me to sing "that song you used to sing when I was a baby". Goodness. The girl is 4. Yet somehow, already, there seems to be a lifetime in those 4 years.So, I sang to her, and she drifted off to sleep. I love when the fluttering of the eyes gently stops, and rest takes over. I lay close enough to feel her whole little body move to the rhythm of her stronger than usual pulse as it fights off infection with fever. Peace in the midst of a battle..some how miraculous and more than I can comprehend. It's hard, to be so close, and know you are so limited in what you can do. I sit back and trust that God made her body to fight this off. Despite the fact that she is mine, and so little, ..and dependent on me day to day to feed her, clothe her (well, some days) etc. - yet in this, it's all in her. I can't make her little body inside work better or worse... It's a reminder of my small position in the world, and my ultimate reliance on Him.
This is just a little virus for Julia, but it made me think of the battles we watch others go through... we can offer measure of comfort, and some measure of healing, but ultimately, we cannot remove the battle just because we love them.
Ever had an experience with that? How did you feel and what what did you learn from it?
This is just a little virus for Julia, but it made me think of the battles we watch others go through... we can offer measure of comfort, and some measure of healing, but ultimately, we cannot remove the battle just because we love them.
Ever had an experience with that? How did you feel and what what did you learn from it?
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1 year at this and I just learned how to really do the pictures~!
Okay - aren't my kids precious?
(They're asleep right now... I'm more inclined to say such things after a long day....)
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Raising the Bar
Tonight over dinner Eli decides to tell us a little about his ETC class at school. Now,just so you know, ETC is the school's name for the gifted and talented program - and it is a great program.Just thought it was funny what Eli takes away ....
"Yeah, I really like it because we get to do a lot of crafts. AND we learned how to use a PAPER CLIP!!"
( Thanks Theresa - for the how to on pics,(WOOHOO!) and to Cindy for the shot of Eli's re-creation of his favorite shirt!)
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Bedtime affections
Well, tonight was another quoteable night.
Over last minute glasses of milk before bed, Julia wanted to express her affection to us in a unique way, which led us down an interesting path of conversation.
Julia - "Momma, I love you so much, and I'm never gonna kill you."
Me - "Uh, thank you Julia. I appreciate that, but let's not say kill, okay?'
Julia "But I want to say I love you special!"
Me - Well, I understand, but somehow saying the opposite of kill still doesn't sound that good. "
Julia - "I know! I love you so much momma, I'm never gonna make you go to heaven. "
Jason - (Trying not to laugh) "Julia, we all want to go to heaven...."
Eli now chimes in, "Yeah! Who wants to go to hell? Raise your hand."
Julia raises her hand.
Eli, Jason and I quickly explain some of why we don't want to go to hell.
Julia (as if canceling her raised hand.)
"Oh. Nevermind."
Eli goes on to explain, (as it has been on his mind lately anyway... )
"Now Julia, if you don't want to go to hell, you have to be baptized... put under the water... now Dad, if you want to go to hell,.... well, sorry, it's too late."
Sweet, simplistic faith and understanding.
And a new twist on bedtime rituals.
Over last minute glasses of milk before bed, Julia wanted to express her affection to us in a unique way, which led us down an interesting path of conversation.
Julia - "Momma, I love you so much, and I'm never gonna kill you."
Me - "Uh, thank you Julia. I appreciate that, but let's not say kill, okay?'
Julia "But I want to say I love you special!"
Me - Well, I understand, but somehow saying the opposite of kill still doesn't sound that good. "
Julia - "I know! I love you so much momma, I'm never gonna make you go to heaven. "
Jason - (Trying not to laugh) "Julia, we all want to go to heaven...."
Eli now chimes in, "Yeah! Who wants to go to hell? Raise your hand."
Julia raises her hand.
Eli, Jason and I quickly explain some of why we don't want to go to hell.
Julia (as if canceling her raised hand.)
"Oh. Nevermind."
Eli goes on to explain, (as it has been on his mind lately anyway... )
"Now Julia, if you don't want to go to hell, you have to be baptized... put under the water... now Dad, if you want to go to hell,.... well, sorry, it's too late."
Sweet, simplistic faith and understanding.
And a new twist on bedtime rituals.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
The good, the bad, and the little bit too personal..
Quotable day... that's what today was.
Tonight at bedtime, Julia told me she wanted to wait a little bit before she prayed. I asked why?
"Because I only pray on Tuesdays. That's what God asked me to do." She often speaks as the voice of God in our home.
Prayer time with Eli was significant too. In his prayer he said:
"...and God, would you please change Emmerson's heart. He doesn't want to be my friend, just because of that one thing I did, and I want to be friends...."
Oh so true. A heart cry of many. More and more,for this reason, I grow to love mercy.
And as I followed his prayer with my own, I was unusually short. Eli asked me why I was, and I didn't really have a good answer. (I didn't want to say I was tired.) He said "Mom... I want to know your heart. Not just your heart about me and the things you like about me... your heart about everything in your mind too. " Wow. That just really surprised me.
So I shared with him just a little piece of a struggle that I was having like his with someone I didn't think liked me, and how I felt much like he did. So we prayed together for God to change their heart, and when we were done, he said, "Now mom, you know sometimes God changes their hearts, and sometimes He doesn't. But either way, it's okay. Okay?" Such wisdom. I adore that boy.
And on a funny note, Jason and I were discussing books and reading today. He was sharing how he liked fiction, and I was explaining that I used to read a lot of it, and imagine I will return to it in the future as our kids move into different stages, but for now I didn't have time for that kind of reading. His reply?
"You would if you went to the bathroom more."
Tonight at bedtime, Julia told me she wanted to wait a little bit before she prayed. I asked why?
"Because I only pray on Tuesdays. That's what God asked me to do." She often speaks as the voice of God in our home.
Prayer time with Eli was significant too. In his prayer he said:
"...and God, would you please change Emmerson's heart. He doesn't want to be my friend, just because of that one thing I did, and I want to be friends...."
Oh so true. A heart cry of many. More and more,for this reason, I grow to love mercy.
And as I followed his prayer with my own, I was unusually short. Eli asked me why I was, and I didn't really have a good answer. (I didn't want to say I was tired.) He said "Mom... I want to know your heart. Not just your heart about me and the things you like about me... your heart about everything in your mind too. " Wow. That just really surprised me.
So I shared with him just a little piece of a struggle that I was having like his with someone I didn't think liked me, and how I felt much like he did. So we prayed together for God to change their heart, and when we were done, he said, "Now mom, you know sometimes God changes their hearts, and sometimes He doesn't. But either way, it's okay. Okay?" Such wisdom. I adore that boy.
And on a funny note, Jason and I were discussing books and reading today. He was sharing how he liked fiction, and I was explaining that I used to read a lot of it, and imagine I will return to it in the future as our kids move into different stages, but for now I didn't have time for that kind of reading. His reply?
"You would if you went to the bathroom more."
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Pride and Prejudice
Hee hee. Stole this from Theresa.
Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti
I love that movie.
And I love Pride and Prejudice.
I have watched Pride and Prejudice for the last two nights as I have entered database work on the computer. My head and nose are stopped up and I'm not very fun to talk or listen too right now, so it has been best to park myself here and get some work done. But I love that movie and never tire of it! (Even as I write now an English accent flows through my keyboard.:-)
Jason and I have an ongoing feud about the significance of the movie. Despite attempts, I have yet to adequately explain what is so romantic about it. Rarely does my husband have typical "guy" responses but he has a mental block against this movie. (His remark in jest last night was 'Okay... so if you want me to treat you poorly for two years and then profess my love for you, I will....')
So if you have seen it... what are your thoughts about what make it so classical?
Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti
I love that movie.
And I love Pride and Prejudice.
I have watched Pride and Prejudice for the last two nights as I have entered database work on the computer. My head and nose are stopped up and I'm not very fun to talk or listen too right now, so it has been best to park myself here and get some work done. But I love that movie and never tire of it! (Even as I write now an English accent flows through my keyboard.:-)
Jason and I have an ongoing feud about the significance of the movie. Despite attempts, I have yet to adequately explain what is so romantic about it. Rarely does my husband have typical "guy" responses but he has a mental block against this movie. (His remark in jest last night was 'Okay... so if you want me to treat you poorly for two years and then profess my love for you, I will....')
So if you have seen it... what are your thoughts about what make it so classical?
Saturday, September 09, 2006
When "me" gets in the way of what I want.
I have often said that I am a recovering perfectionist. Not that I have ever been good at being a perfectionist - but I sure seem dependent on the pursuit of it at times. The sin of it in me runs deep. Ironically, like most sin, what I try to accomplish in myself by pursuing it only ends up creating more of the very pain I am trying to avoid.
What my perfectionism results in is depression, anxiety and anger. I can look around in 20 different directions and see things I need to do better.
- I need to be a better mom. More patient, more intentional. Less angry or frustrated. I need to play more.
- I need to be a better spiritual guide to my kids. They need to get the first of me, not the last of me. Why don't they have verses memorized yet?
- I need to be a better wife. And cook more. And not be grumpy.
- I need to be a better daughter, sister, daughter-in-law , granddaughter and friend. Besides this blog, I stink at writing and calling those I love.
- And if I would organize our finances better we could get ahead faster. And if I would clip more coupons, and shop at more than one store, and cook all of our meals once a month, then I could do more stuff.
- And I need to be a better secretary. And mentor. And Christian. And, well person, in general. I'm just not really good with people.
- And if I could get up every morning at 5:00 and get in both my prayer time, bible study AND exercise before my kids get out of bad, the whole day would go smoother.
- And if I could get in bed by 10:00pm and fall asleep by 10:30, I could get up at 5:00. Then I wouldn't depend on a nap because I get up at 5:45 and go to bed at 11:30. And THAT would leave more time to get stuff done.... Why do I always seem SHOCKED when dinner time and bed time roll around... because I'm not done with stuff!
You can see how my thoughts go on and on. I can't do it. I'm mad at the world because I can't do it. I get mad at the world because I can't do what I think it wants me to do. I can't do what I want to do.
Now I share all of that not because I need consoling or affirmation, but because I don't think I'm the only one who has those thoughts. They may take different forms, but most of us are pretty skilled at being frustrated with ourselves, and consistently aware of how we don't measure up.
But it's the measuring up that is at the heart of the problem. Why do I want to measure up? If it were some noble reason, and sometimes it is, okay. But really, if I'm honest to the core of my thoughts, .... most of the time my wanting to measure up is rooted in selfishness. I don't want to fail. I want to be a success. I want to accepted. I want to be liked. I want to make a difference. I want to mean something to somebody. I want to be important, good, appreciated, valued, credible, consistent, wise, worthy, nice, kind, personable.... I want to be valued..... I want to be loved. I don't want to be or do anything that could result in the opposite.
"I", "I", "I". There was a time when my grappling with this concept led me down the course of understanding our unconditional my acceptance and love from God was. How life changing that was and is. To know the consistency of His mercy! To trust His affection and acceptance. He covered me in His Son's blood. How more intimate can a relationship be?
And while I feel grounded in the understanding of His acceptance & love, I find that the battle with me is not over. Motivations may change, and become more noble, but "I" still seem to be at the center of them too often. Bible study would start with what He would teach "me" ( so "I" could become wiser), and prayer time consisted of what "I" would need to present to Him for intervention. The list begins again....
This week I have tried to focus on being done with me. I don't need more strategies on how to become better at more, but I need simplicity and decision to just make my life about worshipping God. My time in the morning... is spent with Him, but listening with humility to what He would change in me through His word. I have tried to take captive the first thoughts of the day.... so that they would be on Him, and not on me or what I have to do or what problems I think I face.
Do you know how hard that is? Have you ever thought about how much you think about yourself? All the time. I talk to myself more than anyone else, and I talk about me to myself more than anyone else.
I can choose to not think about me, and begin thinking on God, and without apology, 'me' will interrupt myself!!!!
Today.... I decided to sleep in. And I rationalized reasons why the day was okay for me to just go on and not pray in depth or read or study or meditate. It wasn't a sin. But it was enough room for "me" to take over the leading of my day, and the results were disastrous. Until this evening when my husband sent me off to pray. (Thanks Cindy - for the reminder through Eli that any day can be turned around....)
I want to be a nobody who just needs Him at any cost. Not because "I" will be better, but because He is worthy of my thoughts being on Him day and night. Ironically... it changes how I think... about my children, my husband, my relationships, my finances, my day, my problems, my time... my nothing. He is amazing, and puts all of life in perspective.
It will take practice to be okay with being a nobody. But the peace found in His Perfection is more than enough to compensate. I'm finding it is pure joy.
What my perfectionism results in is depression, anxiety and anger. I can look around in 20 different directions and see things I need to do better.
- I need to be a better mom. More patient, more intentional. Less angry or frustrated. I need to play more.
- I need to be a better spiritual guide to my kids. They need to get the first of me, not the last of me. Why don't they have verses memorized yet?
- I need to be a better wife. And cook more. And not be grumpy.
- I need to be a better daughter, sister, daughter-in-law , granddaughter and friend. Besides this blog, I stink at writing and calling those I love.
- And if I would organize our finances better we could get ahead faster. And if I would clip more coupons, and shop at more than one store, and cook all of our meals once a month, then I could do more stuff.
- And I need to be a better secretary. And mentor. And Christian. And, well person, in general. I'm just not really good with people.
- And if I could get up every morning at 5:00 and get in both my prayer time, bible study AND exercise before my kids get out of bad, the whole day would go smoother.
- And if I could get in bed by 10:00pm and fall asleep by 10:30, I could get up at 5:00. Then I wouldn't depend on a nap because I get up at 5:45 and go to bed at 11:30. And THAT would leave more time to get stuff done.... Why do I always seem SHOCKED when dinner time and bed time roll around... because I'm not done with stuff!
You can see how my thoughts go on and on. I can't do it. I'm mad at the world because I can't do it. I get mad at the world because I can't do what I think it wants me to do. I can't do what I want to do.
Now I share all of that not because I need consoling or affirmation, but because I don't think I'm the only one who has those thoughts. They may take different forms, but most of us are pretty skilled at being frustrated with ourselves, and consistently aware of how we don't measure up.
But it's the measuring up that is at the heart of the problem. Why do I want to measure up? If it were some noble reason, and sometimes it is, okay. But really, if I'm honest to the core of my thoughts, .... most of the time my wanting to measure up is rooted in selfishness. I don't want to fail. I want to be a success. I want to accepted. I want to be liked. I want to make a difference. I want to mean something to somebody. I want to be important, good, appreciated, valued, credible, consistent, wise, worthy, nice, kind, personable.... I want to be valued..... I want to be loved. I don't want to be or do anything that could result in the opposite.
"I", "I", "I". There was a time when my grappling with this concept led me down the course of understanding our unconditional my acceptance and love from God was. How life changing that was and is. To know the consistency of His mercy! To trust His affection and acceptance. He covered me in His Son's blood. How more intimate can a relationship be?
And while I feel grounded in the understanding of His acceptance & love, I find that the battle with me is not over. Motivations may change, and become more noble, but "I" still seem to be at the center of them too often. Bible study would start with what He would teach "me" ( so "I" could become wiser), and prayer time consisted of what "I" would need to present to Him for intervention. The list begins again....
This week I have tried to focus on being done with me. I don't need more strategies on how to become better at more, but I need simplicity and decision to just make my life about worshipping God. My time in the morning... is spent with Him, but listening with humility to what He would change in me through His word. I have tried to take captive the first thoughts of the day.... so that they would be on Him, and not on me or what I have to do or what problems I think I face.
Do you know how hard that is? Have you ever thought about how much you think about yourself? All the time. I talk to myself more than anyone else, and I talk about me to myself more than anyone else.
I can choose to not think about me, and begin thinking on God, and without apology, 'me' will interrupt myself!!!!
Today.... I decided to sleep in. And I rationalized reasons why the day was okay for me to just go on and not pray in depth or read or study or meditate. It wasn't a sin. But it was enough room for "me" to take over the leading of my day, and the results were disastrous. Until this evening when my husband sent me off to pray. (Thanks Cindy - for the reminder through Eli that any day can be turned around....)
I want to be a nobody who just needs Him at any cost. Not because "I" will be better, but because He is worthy of my thoughts being on Him day and night. Ironically... it changes how I think... about my children, my husband, my relationships, my finances, my day, my problems, my time... my nothing. He is amazing, and puts all of life in perspective.
It will take practice to be okay with being a nobody. But the peace found in His Perfection is more than enough to compensate. I'm finding it is pure joy.
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