Asperger's Journey - the here and now.

It's funny... I feel like I should be posting some "conclusion" tonight.... but the reality is this is all just beginning. I realize the vulnerability for me in writing is that I'm liable to post something tonight and come back in a year and say "Oh - by the way I got that wrong...". I hate being wrong. I like having stuff figured out. Yet I feel fairly sure that the mystery behind Eli's mind is the blessing .... the dependence on God it demands... the humility it breeds in me personally. So I'll wrap up the "today" part of our personal story... and share some general things we've learned in another post or two.

We're in first grade now. Cindy, the wonderful kindergarten teacher and now dear family friend, has moved up to first grade with Eli, and plans are to move to second grade as well. I've swallowed hard and stared into space trying to somehow come up with adequate words to say what that means to us.

Oh... the genuine regret my heart now holds before God that I doubted for those days between finding out where he would go to school and actually meeting her.

Jason said, after reading the previous post, that he had forgotten how hard the years before kindergarten had become. In fact, reading it brought up again some of the unsettling anger and frustration. We’ve been free from most of that over the last two years.

This borders sounding dramatic, and I don't want it to, but I share it because it is the picture that comes to my mind. Having someone who is invested in your child... who cares about them and tries to really help, feels like a respite from war.

It's not always simple or easy to interact with kids with on the Autism Spectrum. The very word “Autism” refers to “self” … meaning one is more connected and interested in what is in their own mind than in the world around them. You’ll hear people refer to kids on the spectrum as “high functioning” or “low functioning” - In my simplistic understanding… I look at the spectrum through that lens… kids have varying degrees and abilities to get “outside” of themselves to interact with the world around them. And that’s on a good day.
Asperger’s carries with it the unique quality of sometimes being quite verbal…so you can have a child who on one hand can use words you yourself don’t know how to spell, and yet that same child can be completely clueless about the simplest manners or appropriate social interactions. They can blow your mind with an adult- like discussion over a topic of interest and the next minute be throwing a screaming fit like a two year old over just a funny feeling tag in their shirt. That can make interactions a little awkward. 


The simplest keys, at least that I’ve seen so far… are education, and caring.

Cindy, simply because of her daily interaction with Eli, has made the most dramatic difference in Eli. Her education and compassion has helped even us as his parents get to know him better. But others, especially in our church family have too. Becky teaches our Bible hour, - and lets him sit on a chair when the others have to sit on the floor. Johnny and Paula took on teaching two quarters of the kindergarten class… and instantly became Eli’s favorite teachers … because they listened to him. When they taught… he wanted to head straight to class. ( And we usually were at least 30 minutes early.) I know what they endured… countless conversations about this video game or that.:-) I have a lump in my throat as I think of their beautiful, not tired- smiles when I would pick him up. They still stop him and ask him questions…. and he always immediately looks them in the eye… because he knows they are looking right back at him, and not past him. Doug, Ron, Michelle, Carrie, Shawn, Keith A., Keith & Ronda, Linda… all people who have that knack for intentionally breaking past the barrier of talking ‘about’ and instead talking ‘to’ him.
Mark, Jennifer, Shon and Stacey have shared almost every Monday night for the last two or three years with our family. They’ve seen our meltdowns… our exasperated and embarrassing moments… and yet let us come back every week.  They’ve listened to me brag on Eli one moment only to watch him be taken out of the restaurant throwing a fit the next. They have allowed the good and bad of an almost sibling-like relationship to develop among our kids, which blesses me beyond belief. They had to be bold and assertive to make that happen. There was a time when I had basically didn’t want to be around people for very long… the “me” that wanted our family to look “put together” had to sometimes make visits with others short and sweet. I’m growing up a little more, - but it’s still a struggle.

I’m learning it’s not just me, however. I’m no longer surprised when I learn families don’t want to go to church with their kids and certainly don’t want to be a part of small groups. One mom I know… couldn’t remember the last time she’d been “out” with her family. That’s just something they don’t do anymore. ( And her kids are still in elementary school.) It’s too unpredictable. It’s safer to just “order in” pizza. It’s easier to be in your own house.

I can remember one time a friend asked Eli to spend the night with her kids. She knew he had some special needs, but reassured me she wanted him to come. Her kids had spent the night at my house. But him going somewhere else was a new thing. A thing I’d managed to avoid for a while. ( I’d contemplated telling Eli other people didn’t have houses… but he was too smart for that one.)

I felt simultaneously thrilled and sick to my stomach.

I remember the next day seeing him and asking how the night went. She said with only a moment’s hesitation, that it was good, - there were a few things they wanted to talk to us about, but it was good and they wanted to do it again sometime. I heard what she said,….. but felt like running away. I didn’t want to have any ‘conversation’ about it. In my mind… if it had gone bad, we’d just avoid it in the future. Because I didn’t know what else to do – and I didn’t want anybody to ask me or “talk” to me about it. .

That evening… we did get together. I dreaded it all day but sucked it up and got ready, (in my mind), for a rebuke. For a reminder (once again) of my inadequate parenting. For a fresh vision of how I was doing nothing to help Eli succeed even in the most basic things in life – like a sleepover.

It was a heartbreaking conversation… though not in the way I thought it would go. She wanted to know what they could do to help. When they encountered something they knew wasn’t acceptable to us or to them, how did we want them to address it? What did he respond to? What would make sense to him? There was never a question about “if “ they would address it. It might be difficult… but they weren’t checking out on us. It wasn’t accusing, as if to say “Are YOU addressing this?” It was just what she said it was. What can we do to help? The question carried an assumption of relationship. -And an assumption of the longevity of that relationship.

My defensive posture went to an uncomfortable “broken” posture. I stood in her laundry room that night a bit of a broken mess… crying, learning, explaining, and in doing so reservedly inviting one more person into my vulnerable world of not having it all figured out. My suspicious, defensive, tired, protective and private self backed off for a few moments to let someone else who was assertive enough in to love all of us on an intimate level. It’s a workout. For all involved.

But its worth it…… in so many ways.

… to learn all the lies you tell yourself about having life figured out in a nice neat package are just that…lies.
… to find the depth and good in people…. who know more than you and have much to offer you
….to find the depth and good in people…. who don’t know much but genuinely want to learn alongside you…
… to find the depth and good in people…. who don’t know much and don’t seem to care…. Just like I didn’t at
one time….

It’s worth it…
… to let people experience the joy I do from seeing life through a completely unpredictable lens like Eli does…
….to get the awesomeness that the God who “knit this child in my womb” and “numbers the hairs on his head” intends for him to bring richness that steps beyond the richness ‘normal’ brings.
….to find that the unknown isn’t so unknown to the God who walks you there… and that the journey isn’t made easier by knowing what you don’t know … or having what you don’t have, but by trusting that He equips you for all you need to know and have at the very moment you are living right now….

Intermission

I continue to be so incredibly humbled by your words and your encouragement. Thank you - you are part of why I consider our lives so rich.

I sat down last night to take care of normal business like bills and homework so I could post again tonight a little more to our journey, and where we are today. However, just to be honest, God is really working on me this week in some other unrelated areas - and I'm worn out, in a good way. So I'll try and pick up tomorrow...if He desires it.:-)

Jacob's dream has made more sense to me this week in a personal way than I think I've ever experienced before. I get how it is difficult to wrestle with God. I get how he walked away wounded. And I get walking away from the experience saying "Surely God is in this place." Limping... but more faithful and convicted than when you were whole.

I attended a funeral today of a man I wish I knew. And in a way only God can work, I do. Paul said all things are ours... the memories and love others had for him first hand find their way into my heart too, even if only as they are shared. I may have missed out on a personal conversation or a meeting... but the kingdom he impacted is the one I'm in too - his life is my victory, though it seems weird to say that. It's amazing how in death, God speaks through your life to people you never even met. Adam Langford spoke to mine, and it was bold and powerful - inspiring and convicting, and humbling.

I watched my son today... the young man in the casket was only about 27 or so.
I couldn't help thinking about his mom, and then personalizing the thoughts and feelings. While it would rip my heart out, I would be thrilled if my kids rose above the status quo of life to live unsafely because they are in love with the gospel of Jesus. The service managed to bridge the gap between heavenly welcoming and physical parting better than I have ever experienced before.

All that to say... the normal organized me would keep on track and post a follow up from last night. The the other me is accepting God's detour and going to pray and continue to wrestle with all He is trying to say to me tonight on other subjects.

Just didn't want to not explain where I went.:-) And boy, I love you guys. I mean it when I say I consider myself rich from the blessing God brings us through you. Thank you for being amazing... and letting me in on the blessing of it.

Asperger's Journey - Continued

Wow. You guys are humbling. Thank you for your encouragement. Funny how things never happen the way you think they will. I figured this would be where most would check out for a few weeks. So thank you, for all that you said. It really really touched and surprised me. :-)

And how about Friday night of workshop?.. AIM reunion at our house after the evening speaker? I'll provide a big room and refreshments. Spread the word. :-)

***
Continuing the journey....

So within about 6 months, we learned that not only regular schools, but preschools and daycares weren’t always geared towards kids who “think” like Eli did, either.

He did okay with some things. But he wouldn’t finger paint. (Or do anything messy.) This never changed until we met his present teacher,Cindy.
I can remember one day at preschool he was in trouble because he refused to participate in a class activity that involved getting height and weight, and he didn’t want to step on the scale. He threw a fit. He appeared obstinate – even at 3, over ridiculous things. ( I later learned he was scared of the blinking red numbers on the scale.) Incident after incident left us confused about what was going on in his mind and why he would be so difficult. Desires to want to parent better so he wouldn’t be in trouble all the time just exasperated the process, b/c we didn’t understand what motivated the behavior in the first place. Counseling, therapy, testing…. Countless appointments and no real certain answers. As a few more years went by, his struggles got worse, adding aggression to others into the mix, and by age five he began to struggle with depression. He was smart and sensitive enough to know he wanted to be accepted, and yet struggled with enough issues that he recognized he was always in trouble and wasn’t accepted, by friends or teachers for the most part.

I can remember Eli coming home and sharing that he really would rather just go to heaven than be alive. I loved that he loved Heaven. I hated that at five he already hated life. That was the hardest year, so far. Because I couldn’t fix it.

On the flip side, teaching for a year blessed me with sympathy for teachers. It is difficult to have kids with special needs in a classroom of 15 or 20. And even harder when you or the parents aren’t even sure what you’re dealing with. Behavior just keeps you from teaching regardless of why. Your not a therapist, or a doctor. And it’s easy to wonder if the parents are being parents. I keep that year in mind often.

We began Kindergarten, transferring into a school across town. This was an amazing story of God – because we prayed about this, and it was the last school on my list of choices….but God had lined us up exactly where we needed to be. I just didn’t know why, yet.

Up until that point, I didn’t tell teachers at first that there was a problem with Eli. Mostly, because I didn’t know what the problem was. I kept thinking “Maybe they won’t notice this year….”. I genuinely hoped that.
But, I gave that up for kindergarten. When we went to meet his teacher, I took a letter and handed it off at the last minute before we left. I was scared. And embarrassed. I didn’t know what she would think. And I was depressed before we even started the year. But I knew I had to tell her the year would be difficult. I wanted to let her know the little I knew in hopes of helping him some. I hoped, but wasn’t sure she would care. It wasn't the start I had always imagined.

We walked out of the room after meeting her before school began and made it halfway down the hall. Suddenly his teacher came back out the door, holding the open letter. I don’t know how she’d already read it, honestly. But she stopped us. And she told me that she’d written letters like that herself for years on behalf of her own son, who struggled with similar issues. She had taught special need students for years, and began naming some things she thought we could try to start with. And I can’t remember what else she said after that, because at that moment I was too overwhelmed in the realization of why God had us walk through that door to meet her. And I hugged her. Well, in my memory, I embraced that woman, and I remember walking away hoping that display of emotion wasn’t too overwhelming. But I had hope again. That God had a plan. That He hadn’t walked away. I’d be dishonest if I didn’t admit my days of not being sure about that. But in that moment, I stood humbled and repentant and thrilled and floored.

And so began a relationship that would turn Eli’s world around in this area. The next two years would be a whirlwind of progress and education. And friendship. And hope.

God is good. He can move people all over the globe at just the right time. And one person, in the right place at the right time, really can make a difference in the lives of many....

The Autism Spectrum & Asperger’s ….. You’re affected.

First of all - Heather and Flee - how fun! You made my day. It's so great to hear from you! Heather - your family is beautiful! I look forward to catching up, and seeing how wonderfully our God is at work in your life. And Flee - if you come in March, I would love to hang out! In fact... Jason and I are thinking of having a good old fashioned AIM night at our house one of the nights... just singing, and chatting and catching up. That would be a highlight for me. :-)

*****

I'm finally keeping my word on a few posts to share about Asperger's Syndrome.
I’ve procrastinated for a while in writing this, partly because of the time it would require, but partly because of the emotion it would require. But I’m up for the task this week, so I figure it’s a good time to start.

This isn’t the normal type of writing I do. But I’m writing on this subject because if you know us, and spend any time with our family, then it’s a worthwhile investment for me to share some of what we’ve learned… if you are up for it too.
Our son, Eli, has Asperger's. It's hard to write that. He doesn't really know, so if you talk to him, please don't mention it. ( That sounds hillarious as I write it out!) But it's amazing that you can live with it and not really get it. And I'm fine with that. I asked recently at a seminar when it's best to tell your child... and it was recommended that you wait until they ask you, which makes sense. So we are.

And if you don’t know us and just happen to stroll through, odds are you know someone on the autism spectrum and may not even know it.

That’s a good place to start, I think. When trying to comprehend autism, it’s probably more helpful to refer to the “Autism Spectrum” - because there is a wide range of what autism looks and functions like in the people who have it. If you go to Memorial, you will encounter multiple people on "the spectrum", adults and kids alike. Most people, when they hear autism, initially think of the movie Rainman. In fact, that was the place Jason and I began our introduction to it too. Rainman was on the "spectrum" for sure. But Bill Gates demonstrates traits of someone with Aspergers (on the spectrum) as well. It's a big range!

I'll start with our personal story.
When Eli was two, he was a funny combination of incredibly smart and oddly quirky. He began speaking early and even exhibited early reading skills without help… it seemed like he was just wired to get words and numbers. He didn’t like snow…or for towels to hang unevenly, or for the microwave clock to be left “blinking”.
When it’s the first child you have raised… everything is new… - so who knows what is normal and what’s not? You just know “wonderful.” And we did.

However, things did happen that made me think something was different. One incident that was memorable happened when he was two. We had an “Upwards” game board that he loved to play with. ( A game much like Scrabble, but with extra letter tiles that you could stack on top of each other and change words by building up as well as on to other words.) Eli loved playing with the pieces of that game. But one day he was especially distressed. A tile was missing. He’d looked all over for it. To tell you the truth, I can’t even remember for sure how he knew one was gone, except that the board was big enough that I think for all the tiles to fit on to it & he was short one.
As I said, he was really upset about the missing tile. We looked for it, and couldn’t find it. He said, “Momma, I think it’s the E” that’s missing.
I thought that was funny, because there are tons of alphabet tiles in that game. And yet, I’d experienced enough oddball things with him that I tucked it away mentally. We never found the tile.

Until a few months later. He had turned three, and I was cleaning out his toy box to make room for news gifts received on his birthday. As I dumped out the contents of that box, there at the bottom of it was the tile.
An E.

I’m not an idiot and I get coincidences. I knew, though I didn’t know how it could be, that this was not one. I called Jason, because I was genuinely freaked out. He came home from work. I can remember stepping out in the garage and explaining to him what had happened. We both just looked in the screen door to the room where Eli sat innocently watching a movie. I remember looking at him like he was the kid from the movie “Sixth Sense.” I felt guilty and scared and not sure of what to do with that.

We called his pediatrician and made an appointment. As I explained the things we’d experienced and the incident of the “E”… I referenced the movie Rainman. That moment is frozen in my head.

We had an amazing pediatrician, who reassured me that Eli was not a Savant, as the movie depicted. But he did let us know that we would deal with “this” more and more, and especially as Eli began school. “Schools aren’t really designed for kids that think like he does… but you can cross that bridge when you get there,” he said.

What is the "this" he referred to, I wondered? How exactly does he “think”? I can remember wanting to know more, and knowing the doctor wasn't going to offer more at the time. Why would school be a problem for a kid that can remember a ton of alphabet tiles and know exactly which one is missing at age two?!? Seriously? (I was thinking we should call Oprah too!!)

And yet, I was thankful that he wasn’t Rainman. And we had a few years before school would begin, so I thought I would do exactly what he said… and put it out of my mind.

And I did, for about 6 more months. But I'll stop there for tonight.

(And I WON'T take 6 months for the next post, I promise.) :-)

Take a moment

Please read Clint's writings on Moses Kimeze,who was killed this week in Uganda.

I never knew Moses. I wish I would have had the honor. I now genuinely look forward to the day I do meet him...

Kids and colds

Michelle - Would LOVE to get together with you! We miss you - and were just talking about you last night! So PLEASE tell us when you're in town! woo hoo!

Ang- I love that God does this between us! I look forward to learning from Him in you as you read!

So my kiddos are home tonight with coughs and runny noses. The kind that make you hurt to look at them. I actually found Eli in the bathroom looking for medicine I could give him. That's a first, b/c it all tastes nasty.

And Julia gave a new description to fever and chills that I thought was great. I laid her in bed and she said:
"Momma, I feel like a snowman,.... that's melting..."

She looked like it too. :-)

I got tagged!

Thanks Dusty! As silly as it is... I've always wanted to be tagged! (Theresa was working on it but is busy being an auntie this week!) And thanks Jeanne and Angie.... for getting me off my unblogging kiester with encouragement as well. :-)

Brandon - WELCOME BACK!! Missed you, man!

I have LOVED being snowed in here in Tulsa~! I'd have much to catch up on... BUT I'm almost all caught up with everything else around my house! That's what 7 uninterrupted days do for me!!

Jeanne- glad you loved the book! (The Cross Examination of Oliver Finney) ! Now you don't have to take my word for it .... take Jeanne's !

And check out the video of Cindy's son sledding on ice up in Owasso. (In their BACK YARD! Seriously fun... and a long ride!!

Okay, Dusty tagged me, so here goes:

Here is how it works:
1) Grab the book closest to you
2) Open to page 123, go down to the fourth sentence
3) Post the text of the following three sentences
4) Name the author and book title
5) Tag three people to do the same


Here's the quote:
"Further, God sees great advantage in awaiting our cry because He is unequivocally driven by relationship. Throughout your ascent out of that pit, never lose sight of the fact that God will forever be more interested in you knowing your Healer than experiencing His healing, and knowing your Deliverer than knowing your deliverance. The King of all creation wants to reveal Himself to you."

- Beth Moore, Get Out of That Pit -Straight Talk about God's Deliverance

I'm not even that far into the book, but I love it already, and God has grown me much through her writings. When this title came out, I was excited to tackle it because it touches on areas I struggle with... doing well for a while, then 'cycling' through periods of disconnectedness, or confusion... And wondering why? and if I will ever grow up enough that it will stop? So I'm learning a little more about that through lives of Godly people who've found themselves feeling the same way.

I'm not far into it yet, but already identify with the concept that sometimes we're surprised to find ourselves in a pit, and other times we try to convince ourselves we're not even in a pit by just decorating it nicely and making it feel homey... but all the while feeling disatisfied. Sometimes we are thrown into a pit innocently, (like Joseph) and sometimes we dig ourselves into it. Beth does a good job a journeying through the biblical examples of pits, and what they teach us about our God.

I love learning from those who've been there before, don't you?

Had lunch with wise, relaxed friend who has lived the uptightness I try to at times and walked away from it. It's great being given permission to walk away from it too. I'm learning, little by little. Eventually, learning becomes doing.


So, who do I get to tag?
Cindy, Jeanne (since you both have so much time on your hands this week....) and Brenda,(my dear friend who needs something fun and cheery to do while recovering! (And Abbey..... who ISN'T in Paris anymore and needs to admit it to the rest of the world by UPDATING! LOL)

I'm off to watch the Weather Channel talk about more snow!!!!!!!!!!

Shane..... (feel the glare....) If you didn't crack me up so much......

Cindy... remember now, you were the one who sent me home with Marshmallows last year.... veggies are not an option. :-)

Jeanne - thanks for that verse. I may paint it on the wall... it speaks what I need before me daily. Thank you! Glad you love the book! We'll have to trade when you're done!

A few more cute ones from Julia today:

Julia and Jason were sitting together and he was commenting on her hand laying in his:

Jason : "Julia, who has littler fingers?"
Julia: " Me."
Jason: "Who has bigger fingers? "
Julia (slyly): Me.
Jason: "Who has the prettiest fingers?"
Julia: "Me."
Jason: "Whose not going to use their fingers to pick their nose anymore?"
Julia: (Without missing a beat..) "YOU."
****

And this one, came after nap time, when she likes to change her clothes. I don't like her to do this, since it just makes for more laundry....
"Momma, I changed my pants because I like these Disney Princess pants better than the others. But I like Jesus the mostest!"
Who can argue with that? I already have sympathy for any future son-in-law.

****

An update on Whit and Adrienne, for family and friends that have been praying but aren't on our church email list...
Today, a surgeon who had not seen Ben before came in to evaluate him and do a bronchoscopy, which involved sending a camera in to evaluate his anatomy. Upon doing so, the doctor encountered a large cyst blocking the tube, so much so that he couldn't finish the procedure. This is in fact potentially exciting news, because he believes, based on other observations he's made, that this could in fact be the problem rather than a tube defect. An MRI will let them know if Ben's tubes are properly formed for sure, but this means in fact that he can be moved and an MRI can be performed. The surgeon has removed cysts like this before, whereas he had not performed the type of surgery they had suspected Ben would need.

Overall, Ben's situation is still critical, but less so. They actually moved him slightly today - Adrienne briefly held him up while they changed out his bedding, they got to give him kisses, etc.
And today, for the first time, the doctors actually talked about a time they might bring him home - and I understood that noone had talked about that potential before today. She said that they have praised God all along, but especially want everyone to join them in praising God for this hopeful news delivered today. It is a true gift!

And so is this family, to us. :-)

Well - John and Jeanne love the books they won... so if you haven't started reading the books, you no longer have to settle for just my opinion!!

On a funny note (which we are never short of around here) Julia entertained us well tonight.
We had a meal following our small group bible study. I had made a big pot of chicken noodle soup... and one of the younger girls, Carolyn, was adding some hot sauce to hers when Julia walked by and saw what she was doing.

"Don't use that all up, " said Julia.

Why?" asked Carolyn.

"Because we have to use that for me when I pick my nose and eat it." said Julia.


I don't know which was funnier: that she shared our discipline techniques on her own embarrasing habits, or that she actually wanted the hot sauce preserved in case she needed it again. :-) She'll appreciate that when she's 20.


BTW, I was not in time out, I was exasperated, COMMA...... however, Shane, you are in a blogging time out, Mr. Funny Man.

On a serious note, this weeks resolution is to stop saying "no" to things I think are impossible, and to stop saying "yes" just because something is possible. I really want to let God lead and to disconnect from the me that feels pretty competent at doing life on my own. I want to let thoughts of how I just messed something up go... I want to embrace the Spirit led thoughts that cross my heart but normally get pushed out by the fears of my flesh.

This resolution really began in the form of a prayer, last week. It's shocking, when you pray sincerely and desperately, and God begins to answer. He is peeling away layers in me this week that are both terrifying and energizing. Funny how going where you want to go can feel so uncomfortable. I

I love YODA

This morning I got up to exercise. I exercise in the living room, and in the past, the kids have been so fascinated by this obscene ritual that I rarely get to finish if I start after they are awake. The last interruption resulted in an exasperated mom and two kids sitting in time out in their bedrooms for five minutes. (And I only exercise for 20 minutes in the first place!)

So this morning, as I got ready to begin, I asked the kids if they would entertain themselves so I could have some time to do this in peace.

Remembering the last episode, Eli confidently and emphatically said "YES! We will do it!

Julia said sweetly (and honestly) "We will try!"

Eli said: "No! We will do it!"

Julia said: "Well.... we will try to do it!"

Eli looked at Julia very seriously and said "Julia: 'Do or do not. There is no try'."

I like that he gets the "let your yes be yes concept" from Yoda.

Whit, Adrienne and Ben

Whit and Adrienne have a blog now at which you can follow some of all that is happening with the birth of Ben. You can click on Whit's link below on the right or go to www.seekthefather.blogspot.com

Please don't leave the site without praying for this precious couple, and for Ben. I'm continually inspired by their courage and faith. They have a relationship with God that walks daily through the unknown more gracefully than they would ever believe about themselves. And Ben's fragile little life has already captured our hearts. Thanks for sharing this journey with them.

Congratulations!

Congrats to Jeanne, Lisa, Briley, Cindy, Brenda and John! One of the books will be on their way to you ASAP! (And you can trade with each other if you want to read the other one!)

More importantly, thank you so much for sharing! I think one of my favorite things about a blog is getting to have a personal, intimate conversation though we might never be in the same room at the same time. ( And for all of us, that is really rare!) Thanks for sharing your heart and your life. Each of you are so uniquely fun and amazing - I feel so blessed beyond belief around each of you. Thank you!

Doing it Wrong, Doing it right... Just doing it.

Tonight, Jason was searching all over the house for Eli as we were trying to get the kids ready for bed.

He finally found him in our master bathroom, sitting on the toilet reading my book "What Good Parents Have in Common."

As if that sight weren't funny enough, when he walked in, Eli looked up and said "Dad, I'm reading some of the stuff you're doing wrong."

Jason quickly backed out the door to laugh before hustling him on to bed.

****

I had given up, but Dusty inspired me to think about New Year's resolutions. I have decided to make resolutions week by week. That is my resolution... to set a weekly goal and accomplish it. Ultimately, I want to develop more self discipline, so it can be applied in numerous ways.

This weeks: to begin exercising again. And I started this morning. My goal is to get in three times this week.

****

Some friends this week, are experiencing joy and sorrow at the birth of their baby boy who's future is uncertain at the moment. I stand continually amazed at how God continues to minister to Jason and I as well, through a family here at Memorial that loves them and supports them intensely during this time. His people in this place love amazingly. It grows me up daily.

***

I shared a while back about two books that I loved reading...The Cross Examination of Jesus Christ and The Cross Examination of Oliver Finney. Thanks to my wonderful and generous friend Stu, at Waterbrook Press... I have some copies to send to the first few people who would like to share a resolution they have made about their walk with God this year.
(Since I can't just expect some people to begin commenting after I took two weeks off, I'm hoping bribery will work....) :-)

I am reading a Beth Moore book, "Believing God". It's a look not just at believing in God, but actually believing God.
In studying some of the promises we as children are to take to heart, I found this quote:
"God promised us a place we could live. God didn't promise the children of Israel a place they could visit. He promised them a place they could settle and dwell in blessing. A land they could possess. A place they could find Sabbath rest. According to John 15, New Testament believers have likewise been called to a place of abiding. Living. Dwelling. I finally came to a point in my Christian walk where I grew bone weary of inconsistency being my only constant. Occasional wisps of authentic spiritual living only multiplied my frustrations. I then knew a place of fullness and effectiveness in Christ existed, but at best I was a drop-in. My soul needed a place it could live. I longed for my defeats to be infrequent visitations, not my victories. .....It's high time we stopped dropping in, and started taking up residency."

That best describes my own hope and desire for growth in Him this year. I'm thankful for those who share what they've learned on their journey that leads me a little further along myself.