No more aspirin for our family!

In the van, on the way home today.

Eli : "Mom, I'm not going to May's Drug store anymore...and I hope noone else will either."

Me: "Why, Eli?" ( Thinking... it is a little early for anyone to be setting him up to boycott something?)

Eli: " BECAUSE...... (hear it said in a "duh" condescending voice) .. well, you know what the counselor said about it! "

I turned to look at him, confused, until I saw the "Partnership for a Drug free America" ribbon pinned to his shirt.

Oh.

Catching up

Okay - Theresa...how would I have a life without you? For us never getting to actually talk much --I don't know of a person who has more influence or control over my life. At least you wield your power over me for good. Thanks for my new hair do! Your lady is awesome! ( Even if I didn't have hairspray this mornign! )
My son is addictied to Lego Star Wars. You'd be proud.

Spent the weekend with the Kendall kids... it was great, an apparently I'm not so tired I couldn't check blogs and take this * OH SO TRUE OF ME* test inspired by T. Love you!

You Are Jan Brady

Brainy and a little introverted, you tend to think life is a lot worse than it actually is.And while you may think you're a little goofy looking, most people consider you to be a major babe.

What Brady Are You?

'Beautiful 'Timing

I slept in late today. (9:45.)
I love sleeping in... with the tiny exception of feeling like your day is half gone.

I left the house at 10:30 for a quick run to pick up a shower gift before I started on all I had to do today.
I returned at 4:30 this afternoon......

I happened to run into my mom... which never just happens. We live in the same town, but seriously can manage to not see each other except for a quick hello at church on Sundays every week. We still know we love each other... we're just not big communicators.
So, today, we ran into each other at the $1 store which was having a "Everything's .40 sale". Of course that would draw both of us like magnets from anywhere. So we had lunch... caught up.... and just enjoyed the time. It was really nice. And meaningful. Sometimes I am just way too busy...

What I love about God is that He knows that about us.
I was reading in Acts 3 tonight... Peter and John are headed to the temple for the 'hour of prayer'. At the same time, a man is being carried there to beg. Crippled from birth... this has been his daily tradition too... begging at the temple gate called "Beautiful."

Peter, John, and this man just 'happen' to cross paths at the same time. You may know the story... they look at him, he looks at them expecting a handout, and they give him way more than that. He rises to his feet for the first time... and the picture given is of a man so overwhelmed with joy he can't let go of them.. jumping up and down, praising God, and drawing so much attention... for this crowd now watching the commotion also knows this man as the one who "used to sit begging at the temple gate called 'Beautiful'." Enough attention is drawn, that Peter and John respond to the crowd and direct the credit to God...and spend a night in jail.
They had just started out towards the temple to pray.
He was just being carried to the gate to beg.

The temple gate was called 'Beautiful'.

Do you know what I discovered the word for "Beautiful" here means?
HOORAIN ( from horaios) "belonging to the right hour or season (timely) i.e. (by implication) beautous.

That gate was indeed timely... the right season... and Beautiful. God's timing may not always be our own, but when you see His working in it...the schedule you had laid out for yourself that day pales in comparison to His divine working.

Quiet time

Two kiddos at home with Scarlet fever afforded a slow quiet day today. I am especially thankful that antibiotics make what used to be a serious threat now just simple recovery time. We are blessed people.

Eli and I sat and watched Extreme Home Makeover tonight. A headache sobered his normally talkative self, and I think made him extra emotional too.... he teared up multiple times during the show. But one moment was especially insightful.

This episode covered the building of a home for a mom who lost the use of her legs after protecting her young children during a tornado in Tennessee. While in the hospital following the storm, neighbors tried to salvage whatever was left of the family's belongings while dad tended to their young boys and mom in the hospital. Not much was left, but a cherished China set of her grandmother's, though shattered and broken into pieces, was preciously collected and guarded among their belongings.

One of the endeavors of the team was to take these pieces, and make with them a mosaic table top that became the focus on the front porch of the new home. Eli loved it. I loved even more his heart in the thoughts he expressed;

'Mom- look! It's just like Jesus! Sometimes he takes broken things and makes them more beautiful than they even were the first time!'

Praise God-- this is just so true.

Our own little dog show....

In our house we have some little dog figurines. I love them, since we cant have a dog and there are quite a few of them that remind me of pets I have had in the past.
They sit on a shelf right at Julia's eye level. She loves them too. It has begun to crack us up - no matter how many times I display them in a nice and orderly fashion, I will come out only to find they are living a completely different life in her little world.
I have decided to start taking pictures of the "rearrangements" I find after she's been in the room . I'll leave the interpretation of what's going on in her imagination up to you. And I'll post more as we find them. :-)

Catching up on pictures from Branson

This is an amazing rainbow outside our room in Branson. This was a weekend of many storms: most formed over us and moved out east.



I love weather!

Chicken Noodle soup for the soul....

Jules came home sick yesterday. Last night, she asked me to sing "that song you used to sing when I was a baby". Goodness. The girl is 4. Yet somehow, already, there seems to be a lifetime in those 4 years.So, I sang to her, and she drifted off to sleep. I love when the fluttering of the eyes gently stops, and rest takes over. I lay close enough to feel her whole little body move to the rhythm of her stronger than usual pulse as it fights off infection with fever. Peace in the midst of a battle..some how miraculous and more than I can comprehend. It's hard, to be so close, and know you are so limited in what you can do. I sit back and trust that God made her body to fight this off. Despite the fact that she is mine, and so little, ..and dependent on me day to day to feed her, clothe her (well, some days) etc. - yet in this, it's all in her. I can't make her little body inside work better or worse... It's a reminder of my small position in the world, and my ultimate reliance on Him.
This is just a little virus for Julia, but it made me think of the battles we watch others go through... we can offer measure of comfort, and some measure of healing, but ultimately, we cannot remove the battle just because we love them.
Ever had an experience with that? How did you feel and what what did you learn from it?

1 year at this and I just learned how to really do the pictures~!

Okay - aren't my kids precious?
(They're asleep right now... I'm more inclined to say such things after a long day....)

Raising the Bar

Tonight over dinner Eli decides to tell us a little about his ETC class at school. Now,just so you know, ETC is the school's name for the gifted and talented program - and it is a great program.Just thought it was funny what Eli takes away ....

"Yeah, I really like it because we get to do a lot of crafts. AND we learned how to use a PAPER CLIP!!"


( Thanks Theresa - for the how to on pics,(WOOHOO!) and to Cindy for the shot of Eli's re-creation of his favorite shirt!)

Bedtime affections

Well, tonight was another quoteable night.

Over last minute glasses of milk before bed, Julia wanted to express her affection to us in a unique way, which led us down an interesting path of conversation.

Julia - "Momma, I love you so much, and I'm never gonna kill you."

Me - "Uh, thank you Julia. I appreciate that, but let's not say kill, okay?'

Julia "But I want to say I love you special!"

Me - Well, I understand, but somehow saying the opposite of kill still doesn't sound that good. "

Julia - "I know! I love you so much momma, I'm never gonna make you go to heaven. "

Jason - (Trying not to laugh) "Julia, we all want to go to heaven...."

Eli now chimes in, "Yeah! Who wants to go to hell? Raise your hand."

Julia raises her hand.

Eli, Jason and I quickly explain some of why we don't want to go to hell.

Julia (as if canceling her raised hand.)
"Oh. Nevermind."

Eli goes on to explain, (as it has been on his mind lately anyway... )
"Now Julia, if you don't want to go to hell, you have to be baptized... put under the water... now Dad, if you want to go to hell,.... well, sorry, it's too late."

Sweet, simplistic faith and understanding.
And a new twist on bedtime rituals.

The good, the bad, and the little bit too personal..

Quotable day... that's what today was.

Tonight at bedtime, Julia told me she wanted to wait a little bit before she prayed. I asked why?

"Because I only pray on Tuesdays. That's what God asked me to do." She often speaks as the voice of God in our home.

Prayer time with Eli was significant too. In his prayer he said:
"...and God, would you please change Emmerson's heart. He doesn't want to be my friend, just because of that one thing I did, and I want to be friends...."

Oh so true. A heart cry of many. More and more,for this reason, I grow to love mercy.

And as I followed his prayer with my own, I was unusually short. Eli asked me why I was, and I didn't really have a good answer. (I didn't want to say I was tired.) He said "Mom... I want to know your heart. Not just your heart about me and the things you like about me... your heart about everything in your mind too. " Wow. That just really surprised me.

So I shared with him just a little piece of a struggle that I was having like his with someone I didn't think liked me, and how I felt much like he did. So we prayed together for God to change their heart, and when we were done, he said, "Now mom, you know sometimes God changes their hearts, and sometimes He doesn't. But either way, it's okay. Okay?" Such wisdom. I adore that boy.

And on a funny note, Jason and I were discussing books and reading today. He was sharing how he liked fiction, and I was explaining that I used to read a lot of it, and imagine I will return to it in the future as our kids move into different stages, but for now I didn't have time for that kind of reading. His reply?

"You would if you went to the bathroom more."

Pride and Prejudice

Hee hee. Stole this from Theresa.



Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

I love that movie.

And I love Pride and Prejudice.
I have watched Pride and Prejudice for the last two nights as I have entered database work on the computer. My head and nose are stopped up and I'm not very fun to talk or listen too right now, so it has been best to park myself here and get some work done. But I love that movie and never tire of it! (Even as I write now an English accent flows through my keyboard.:-)

Jason and I have an ongoing feud about the significance of the movie. Despite attempts, I have yet to adequately explain what is so romantic about it. Rarely does my husband have typical "guy" responses but he has a mental block against this movie. (His remark in jest last night was 'Okay... so if you want me to treat you poorly for two years and then profess my love for you, I will....')

So if you have seen it... what are your thoughts about what make it so classical?

When "me" gets in the way of what I want.

I have often said that I am a recovering perfectionist. Not that I have ever been good at being a perfectionist - but I sure seem dependent on the pursuit of it at times. The sin of it in me runs deep. Ironically, like most sin, what I try to accomplish in myself by pursuing it only ends up creating more of the very pain I am trying to avoid.

What my perfectionism results in is depression, anxiety and anger. I can look around in 20 different directions and see things I need to do better.

- I need to be a better mom. More patient, more intentional. Less angry or frustrated. I need to play more.
- I need to be a better spiritual guide to my kids. They need to get the first of me, not the last of me. Why don't they have verses memorized yet?
- I need to be a better wife. And cook more. And not be grumpy.
- I need to be a better daughter, sister, daughter-in-law , granddaughter and friend. Besides this blog, I stink at writing and calling those I love.
- And if I would organize our finances better we could get ahead faster. And if I would clip more coupons, and shop at more than one store, and cook all of our meals once a month, then I could do more stuff.
- And I need to be a better secretary. And mentor. And Christian. And, well person, in general. I'm just not really good with people.
- And if I could get up every morning at 5:00 and get in both my prayer time, bible study AND exercise before my kids get out of bad, the whole day would go smoother.
- And if I could get in bed by 10:00pm and fall asleep by 10:30, I could get up at 5:00. Then I wouldn't depend on a nap because I get up at 5:45 and go to bed at 11:30. And THAT would leave more time to get stuff done.... Why do I always seem SHOCKED when dinner time and bed time roll around... because I'm not done with stuff!

You can see how my thoughts go on and on. I can't do it. I'm mad at the world because I can't do it. I get mad at the world because I can't do what I think it wants me to do. I can't do what I want to do.

Now I share all of that not because I need consoling or affirmation, but because I don't think I'm the only one who has those thoughts. They may take different forms, but most of us are pretty skilled at being frustrated with ourselves, and consistently aware of how we don't measure up.

But it's the measuring up that is at the heart of the problem. Why do I want to measure up? If it were some noble reason, and sometimes it is, okay. But really, if I'm honest to the core of my thoughts, .... most of the time my wanting to measure up is rooted in selfishness. I don't want to fail. I want to be a success. I want to accepted. I want to be liked. I want to make a difference. I want to mean something to somebody. I want to be important, good, appreciated, valued, credible, consistent, wise, worthy, nice, kind, personable.... I want to be valued..... I want to be loved. I don't want to be or do anything that could result in the opposite.

"I", "I", "I". There was a time when my grappling with this concept led me down the course of understanding our unconditional my acceptance and love from God was. How life changing that was and is. To know the consistency of His mercy! To trust His affection and acceptance. He covered me in His Son's blood. How more intimate can a relationship be?

And while I feel grounded in the understanding of His acceptance & love, I find that the battle with me is not over. Motivations may change, and become more noble, but "I" still seem to be at the center of them too often. Bible study would start with what He would teach "me" ( so "I" could become wiser), and prayer time consisted of what "I" would need to present to Him for intervention. The list begins again....

This week I have tried to focus on being done with me. I don't need more strategies on how to become better at more, but I need simplicity and decision to just make my life about worshipping God. My time in the morning... is spent with Him, but listening with humility to what He would change in me through His word. I have tried to take captive the first thoughts of the day.... so that they would be on Him, and not on me or what I have to do or what problems I think I face.

Do you know how hard that is? Have you ever thought about how much you think about yourself? All the time. I talk to myself more than anyone else, and I talk about me to myself more than anyone else.

I can choose to not think about me, and begin thinking on God, and without apology, 'me' will interrupt myself!!!!

Today.... I decided to sleep in. And I rationalized reasons why the day was okay for me to just go on and not pray in depth or read or study or meditate. It wasn't a sin. But it was enough room for "me" to take over the leading of my day, and the results were disastrous. Until this evening when my husband sent me off to pray. (Thanks Cindy - for the reminder through Eli that any day can be turned around....)

I want to be a nobody who just needs Him at any cost. Not because "I" will be better, but because He is worthy of my thoughts being on Him day and night. Ironically... it changes how I think... about my children, my husband, my relationships, my finances, my day, my problems, my time... my nothing. He is amazing, and puts all of life in perspective.

It will take practice to be okay with being a nobody. But the peace found in His Perfection is more than enough to compensate. I'm finding it is pure joy.

For Mature Audiences only....

My son is hitting the age where he is becoming more and more aware of the differences between boys and girls.

Honestly, this is hard, because with his development he can be so intellectual, and yet often behind even Julia in his awareness of such things - and I enjoy that innocence. For example, it was only about 4 weeks ago that he became aware that Julia had no boy parts. He was trying to be a helper as we were teaching both kids to shower by themselves, and he stood outside the shower calling to her each part of the body she should wash next. When he got to that, he seemed shocked when I explained that she didn't have the same parts he has. "Well then what DOES she have?" he asked in disbelief. "How does she go to the potty?" ( All this in spite of the fact that neither of them have ever been very private around each other. )
I gave some answer. I think it was adequate, but all the times I told myself to figure out what to say before the moment came were now useless, as the moment was here before I was ready.

Tonight was another moment like that.
He seemed fascinated with that other part of women that he now notices is different. So here's how the conversation went tonight:

Eli- "Mom, what do you call those?"

Me - (Thinking..... Dying. Did he really just ask me that? I'm in the middle of reading a book to him. That is SO like a boy! Why doesn't he ask Jason this stuff? Wait. I am the mom. It's okay. This is a normal question. Set the stage Heather, set the stage ... today is the day that determines how openly he will communicate with you for the rest of your life. When he is a teenager, this is the moment he will look back on and know whether it is safe or not to talk to his mom about anything. Long pause. Think, Think Think. Do I entrust accurate words with maturity to a boy who struggles sometimes with social interaction? Or is that too much for him right now? Think. Think. Think. Other words I could give him?? Oh wait, that's worse. No way. Ok. Got it.)

Me- "Eli, what do you think they are called?"

Eli - "Mom, I know what it is, but I don't want to say it, because it's a bad word."

Me - (Thinking... What bad word could he have learned? WHO IS TEACHING HIM BAD WORDS? I AM SETTING UP A CAMP ON THE PLAYGROUND AND SO HELP ME ANYONE OUT THERE WHO IS GOING TO BE TEACHING MY SON BAD WORDS IS GONNA... Oh wait. ...still in the moment Heather...Eli's still here. You're still setting the stage for all future communication - get in the game girl...."

Me - "It's okay Eli, just tell me what you've heard."

Eli - "Mom, I really don't want to ... it's bad and you know it. And I don't want to say it."

Me - "Eli, I promise you I won't be mad at you. Just tell me the truth and I promise you that you can always know I will do the same. "

Eli - "You know. It starts with an 'F'".

Me - (Not hiding the shocked and confused look on my face.) ( Have they come up with new 'bad'words that I am not aware of? Am I behind the times already in first grade? Wait! How can it be that I am failing miserably already!?!)

Eli - ( Picking up quickly on my obvious ignorance....) 'Okay, I will give you the next letter mom. 'F', 'A'....."

Me - ( My mind is racing, and anxiety is building. What? WHAT? WHAT IS IT? What do they call it now? )

Me - "Eli, I don't know what it is, I'm sorry. Please just tell me. "

Eli - (Rolling his eyes.) "Okay, mom, but I know it's a bad word, ( Now looking at me with great trepidation...) and I'll just give you the last letter, so don't be mad. It's a 'T'.

Me - (Thinking... okay, now what were the letters?...Oh... sweet air, as I take a deep breath in, smile lovingly (yet not so as to embarrass him), and rejoice that the bad word is "Fat". I was tempted to rationalize that as being a correct scientific term in some circles, but decided that wouldn't serve him long term, especially when he gets married.)

So, we had a calm, truthful, and insightful discussion after that, cut short by Eli's diverted attention to a poster on his wall.

:-)

Hearing, thinking, cleaning up. What do these three things have in common?

In the car this morning, Julia told me she wanted to go to heaven. Being up for insight, I asked her why.

"Because I want to talk to Jesus."

I, taking hold of the opportunity to encourage her, said "Julia - you can talk to Jesus every time you pray!"

"Yeah, but I want Him to hear me better."

Hmmmm.


Dad.... I want you to know, I've overthought it some more, :-) ... and after living in denial I now admit you are right after all these years. I do think too much. (We have a friend here who has said the same.)
Now the only problem is that if I stop, I won't have anything to write about..... (Just kidding.) God used what you said to make a point ( actually a few ) this week. Thanks.

Well. Jason just took me on a "guided imagery" journey in preparation for the youth ralley class he is doing this weekend. (Literally - he interrupted my blogging to do it. ) For any of you who did it last night, my room was a brown dusty attic looking area, with a lot of clutter..... it told me a lot. :-)

Good night!

A fun moment

No real point to this post, except to share a moment of amazement. Jason's been reading Chronicles of Narnia to Eli each night. ( Eli has also been listening to the books on CD).

Tonight the boy quoted by memory a page and a half of dialogue from one of the chapters.... british accents and all for each of the characters.

It cracked me up.

Flying, Swimming , Reasoning.

Thanks to all of you who commented last week. Every single comment blessed Jason and I so much. We are rich because of your friendship. :-)

I flew to Nashville this week for my grandmother's 80th birthday. Julia flew with me. She was eagerly anticipating the takeoff, and after an extra long taxi down one of the runways, she looked at me and said with disgust "We're going to drive there?!?"

The weekend was fun. It always takes a while for that side of my family to warm up to each other. I'm usually not there long enough for that to happen. But I prayed that God would speed the normal dynamics up for His purposes and He answered that prayer amazingly. Too often I forget to pray for such things. A friend recently told me that she prays for God to give her extra hours in the day. I've done that recently - and His faithfulness amazes me.:-)

Eli told me today that he wanted to be baptized. I've known it was coming. He is so intelligent... so logical, and so sensitive. He's questioned everything about it - the reason, the logistics, and "What happens when you go under the water?"
It's funny when a physical mind tries to dissect the spiritual realm.

I asked him why he wanted to do it. He replied "Because I believe in Jesus and I want to know God better."

It's a hard place to be as a parent. It's the thing I desire most for him in life - to give himself fully to Christ,and to embrace Christ as his Lord, his Master, his Rescuer. But to celebrate this decision in the lives of others, and yet walk patiently through Eli's desire to experience it, knowing it is so much more than he even has the capacity to grasp right now is hard to do.

I've been trying to put into words all day how to affirm his heart towards God, and yet help him delay his decision until it can truly reflect a desire to lay down his own life and embrace Christ's. Yet I don't want him to feel rejected by God or by us as we pursue that patiently. And I'm not the most sensitive communicator. So your prayers are cherished.
This morning, I told him I loved him, I was proud of him, and that we could study it some more. He didn't bring it up again, for now.

Last week at a swim party, Eli didn't pass a test to swim to the deep end of the pool. The lifeguard said he could retest, but I knew he wasn't ready. Yet he was determined. I told him to practice, and he did diligently. After about 30 minutes, he called to me to get the lifeguard's attention so he could retest. I told him to wait, and practice a few more times. He resisted, and motioned for me to get her. After 2 or 3 more exchanges, he finally bypassed me and flagged down the lifeguard himself. She generously passed him and kept a close eye on him.
I love that spirit of determination in him. I pray it will help him refuse to take no for an answer when the time is right and he really knows what it means to own this decision.

Thanks for your prayers over him.

Water is a good theme this week. :-)

Yeah!! Now I can feel like I'm in a fishbowl when you read this!! Haha! I am so excited to change the look of this blog - (Thanks Theresa! ) but in the process I cut my picture in half, and I guess after that completely off. It took me two weeks to figure out how to put a picture on in the first place! So just look at the fish.....

These last few weeks have been busy, challenging, and messy. I don't like to write when I feel like my life is messy, ... and life is often messy, hence the long gaps. It's still messy tonight, but I am a recovering perfectionist, so this is therapy. :-)

Of most significance this week was my husband's decision to be baptized Sunday.
(Julia told him later that night that she was so proud of him. - Because he went underwater! That takes on new meaning when it was the very thing you feared about swimming lessons all summer!!!)

For many, I'm sure, this was a surprising event. I certainly know he didn't wake up Sunday morning with that on his "to do" list either. I can remember the first discussion about some of his thoughts & doubts surrounding about his baptism as a young person occured even before we were married. There haven't been many discussions about it, maybe 5 or 6 "mental wrestlings" about it over the last 10 years, but nevertheless, it has always been there.
Jason shared later that God used the bible class that morning to prepare him and deal with his pride, and the sermon to deal with him directly over this long struggle - every argument he presented was answered by God's Spirit, all the way around. When the lesson was over, he was already in tears, and as he stood up to walk forward, he just leaned over and said "I'm done."

What victory in those words.

I don't know how to vicariously experience someone else's freedom or salvation, but I feel like that moment was the closest I've ever been, personally. The beginning of freedom is found only at the end of oneself, and that was as much at the end of himself as I have ever had the privilege of knowing Jason.

It reminded me again of how much I am my own prison guard, when my God calls me to freedom. Sometimes freedom, in its purest form, doesn't look fashionable to me. I'd prefer a nice, clean, competent look over a messy, mistaken, desperate look. The irony is that the fashionable look is just a imitation overcoat, - never the real thing, inside or out.

"I'm done."

While being cleaned and sealed and redeemed is a beautiful gift poured into us in an instance, "I'm done" is a phrase worth repeating daily in the life of every follow of Christ. To begin every single morning at the end of ourselves is to accept the invitation into true freedom and life, every day.

A special thanks to those of you who celebrated this day with us.

Sex education - on the right track.

Jason's been reading a old but good book on raising kids, and protecting their purity. It sparked off sex education conversation with Julia . I loved how it started....

Jason: "Julia, do you know where babies come from?"

Julia: "Yep."

Jason: "Where do they come from?"

Julia: "The babysitter."


I liked that answer. :-)

Movie Night

Tonight, our kiddos were invited to spend the night and that left us with an opportunity for a date! WOO HOO!

So after dinner, we hit the movies.

I don't know if M. Night Shyamalan has a cult following, but if he does, I'm in it.
I have yet to walk away from one of his movies and simply say "That was a good movie."
On the surface, every movie of his merits "good" just by it's story, suspense, surprise, and the point in every movie where he gets you to gasp out loud in just a good old fashioned scary moment.

I know some people don't get them or like them, but if you follow the symbolism in each, you know why I think he is brilliant.
Jason and I drove home tonight reflecting on the spiritual and symbolic theme of each movie he has made. I'd put the contents of our discussion down, but I don't want to ruin the current movie. If your a fan though, find another fan.... and enjoy the discussion that ensues as you think about the themes.

Sixth Sense
Unbreakable
Signs
The Village
The Lady in the Water

Jason thinks that 10 years from now he will make a movie that will tie all of his previous movies together. I don't know what that would look like, but I know I would love it!