Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Mom - am I a believer?

Today started at 6 am with a friend, talking about the salvation of our children.
It ended tonight with Eli asking on his own "Am I a believer?"

It is a profound intense feeling, holding one God has given you and knowing you are entrusted with teaching Him about the Father.

He has been attending an "Upwards" basketball program at the Baptist church near our home. Tonight, he was proud - he shot 10 hoops straight in a row, and was the only kid who won a star for learning his memory verse. I am beyond thankful for how God uses this church and these people to teach my son about Him - esp. tonight.

"For God so loved the world that he gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

They gave him a bible tonight - the "Upwards Basketball version" - so way cool for him, and already he cherishes it. He wanted to read it. As I was tucking Julia in bed, he looked for what he wanted to read. He came across Mark 16 - and following the chapter headings, said :

"Look mom - here it says 'Jesus dies' and on the next page it says 'Jesus rose from the dead'. Let's read that!"

So we did. And talked a ton. At the end , after reading Jesus' commission, Eli asked "Do I believe?" ( Remind me to share our 'baptism' conversation some other day. It reveals his dad's sense of humor.)

I asked him if he thought he believed. He wasn't' sure what that meant. He knew that he didn't pray to Michael at school - but only to God. We talked some more about what it means to believe God. I myself was struck by the difference of believing "in" God and "believing" God.

I know this is rambling to most - but they are some of the most profound, eternal moments I think this life may hold for me. It is when I can clearly see what is worthwhile and what is not in all the things I endeavor to do.

Eli is absolutely priceless to me. That's a mom thing to say - but it is a new scary, amazing place in my heart at a deeper level than I've been at before. I feel like I get a glimpse into the man God wants him to be.

I know our enemy will wage war on him. Reading Revelation this week has given me a sober reminder of his ruthlessness. But my heart marvels at the likeness of our God I find in Eli's spirit at times. And I hope and pray and work towards the preservation of that.

Tonight I am also challenged by the feeling of how scary it is to be surrounded by teens who I love .... and I watch some strive with great perserverance for their faith and integrity, and I watch others carelessly embrace compromise as if there were no consequence or eternal meaning in it. It is overwhelming to my heart.

Tonight, with the contrast of my son's genuine, pure questions and heart, I find myself disgusted with the father of lies and the Deceiver. As I feel almost a sense of helplessness, though I know better, I find myself looking forward to the day when our Father defeats him fully and eternally.

I am eager to see the day when he will take no more captives, and purity will remain unmarred and eternal.

And tonight ... in excitement! ... I begin to pray for another little one that will be a part of our family. We found out our niece will be named Elizabeth Mia... what an honor and a blessing to begin to include her in our prayers to Him.


Brandon said...

I'm not sure how you found out about our website, but I'm glad that you did. It was great hearing from you and I'm glad you made First Contact.

I want you to know how much I enjoy your weblog. I love weblogs, but there are so very few good ones out there. (I especially loathe the Xanga Trend going on right now.) I love how you express yourself, and even more than that, what you express.

Thanks for sharing your heart online, it's definitely an encouragement to my day.

Jennie said...

i need to be with u right now. to just sit and talk to you. i never really noticed until like the past two weeks what a blessing your family is to me. i sit in my room alone tonight b/c my roommate has moved out. i am in tears and wishing you could just hug me right now. i love and i miss you so much.

Rick said...

Children are so amazing. And so different. I don't remember ever having those deep, spiritual discussions with either of my kids when they were small. Maybe that was because most of the time they were way ahead of me in so many areas. But for all my shortcomings God has stood in the gap. In spite of my failures God has done such a great work in both of them. I still remember what a thrill it was when Evan started asking about being baptized. There never seemed to be a question in his mind about the importance of that decision. He understood so well why it was necessary. And then in the midst of discussing it with him Rachel wanted to know if she could be baptized too. She had no question about whether she needed to be baptized. Her only question was whether her brother would mind if she was baptized on the same day. She did not want to interfere on his "special day." There was no question in my mind whether she was too young at 9. God was preparing her heart for kingdom life even then. Nothing I have ever done, including my own baptism, has brought me joy that would compare to that day. Within minutes of each other my children were clothed with the righteousness of God. I buried them in the water that day but God raised them up to eternal life in Him. They are His forever, as are their parents and their grandparents. What an incredible legacy. Thank you God.