Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Did I ever mention I'm not very flexible?

So a crazy year of job changing, house hunting, traveling, house buying, moving, and Christmas. Oh, and our first semester of our first year of homeschooling, too. (I was the only mom who thought it was exciting for my kids to start kindergarten! How did this happen!?) ;-)

This is a year that will be marked in the history books for me personally. If this were a roller coaster, I'd have thrown up a few times already.
The highs and lows have been pretty significant.... but then, it's usually in those moments that we grow the most.

I think this is the year that God has allowed me to run to the end of my chain.

Not pretty.

Every time I think I've gotten to the end of myself... along comes one more piece of me who thinks she can control everything better than all the previous attempts. It's funny what pesky little friends come along with her, though.
Anxiety. Perfectionism. Insecurity.
Little miss control freak, as I call her, doesn't do quite the job she claims she will of keeping everything in my life calm.

So, it's been one of the hardest years for me in a long time. And yet, like previous years that have been equally hard, it's been one of the best:

God has confirmed that He is indeed, in charge.
My best attempts to control have again only resulted in proving how desperately I need Him.
He's showed me that I can change, and it's not as terrifying as it seems.
He continues to reveal that I still need to change. And that yes, to change will still seem scarier than it really is .

And He's rewarded some of the scariest leaps of faith I've taken. New relationships from my job, new levels of trust in Him as I leave it. New burdens for purity and obedience in my life. New desire for freedom in Him from my old habits and flesh. Maybe one of the most treasured to me today is a new relationship with my children.

I'm certain I'm not the only one who's made scary decisions this year, and has some more sitting out there to make. If you do, I'm prayerful tonight that you'll not look for how God will help you do the hard, right thing, but that you will just know that He will, and move on what He has called you to.
He's growing us all up, one step of faith at a time, each morning with new mercy for that day.
Little miss control freak just doesn't get that kind of peace. :-)


Tammy said...

Heather! I love you and your honestness (is that a word?)! We all have a Little mis control freak that raises her ugly swollen head occasionally. And sometimes beating her back into her box is the hardest thing to do!! The fear of letting go...yep it's quite a fear. But you move through the changes with God grace-filled movements, sweety, and look great disciplining the Lil' Miss! God looks good on you :)

Lindsay said...

Proverbs 17:17, my friend. No matter how high the highs are or how low the lows are,

I could write a lot more, but at the moment, I think that's all I need to say.