Doing the morning ritual of make up and hair, with Julia faithfully by my side. ( Oh the memories this ritual will make...)
Upon fininshing my hair this morning and flipping it up, Julia's attention is caught by the motion - and she looks up wide eyed and amazed at the transformation. ( There is a big one.) :-)
'Wow mom! You look almost like Belle. Except Belle don't wear those flip-flops. '
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Reading / Respect
Been reading a ton lately.... and have wanted to blog about it - so I'll commit myself publicly and come back as I can... but one of my new favorite books is "The Cross Examination of Christ", by Randy Singer.
It's worth it's own post so I will come back to it.
Also, Jason and I got to go to a Family Life Marriage Seminar a couple of weeks ago - and while there we picked up two books by Shaunti Feldhahn - "For Women Only' is the one I am reading, and Jason is reading the one for guys. ("For Men Only." Of course Jason, being the overachieving reader - is reading both.
I have to admit, I'm always embarrassed to read things that sound so simple but they are for me a 'lightbulb' or 'aha' moment - but I embrace them the same, and for me, today, I read a little part in this book that turned the light on.
In the book, Shaunti sets forth the results of a survey asking men whether they would rather feel unloved and unwanted, or inadequate and disrespected. Results overwhelmingly showed that while the majority of women would rather feel disrespected, most men would rather feel unloved. And there is a difference. That alone made me think twice.
Which would you rather feel?
When it comes to respecting my husband, I think much of the difficulty with this for me personally is defining respect. Most often we start and work from the definitions in our own head - which is great if your definition matches up with the one who's expectations you are trying to meet. But it's takes a while in life to discover you might need to check in and make sure your definintion is the same in the first place before you start trying to plan all the ways to live up to it!
She mentions that if we want to be clued in, a 'disrespect barometer' in men is anger.
Very simple.
Very a-ha for me.
I know we do it to men .... a simple comment and all the sudden they find themselves in a muck with us they didn't see coming and want desperately to get out of, and they can't even figure out how they got there in the first place. It's so clear to us, and to every woman we might later share it with. :-)
But as intuitive as we think we are, we just don't get that we do the very same things just as cluelessly.
'I'm just trying to help'.
'It's so obvious what needs to be done...'
'If you would just...'
And if you are like me, (and female), you may read those phrases, think of the last time you thought or said them, and can justify exactly why you were right.
Umm Hmm.
That's what I didn't get. I'm a help meet... a ' helper' - thats what I DO... I'm supposed to help! Right? How in the world can I offer help and not come across critical?!? Doesn't the very nature of a correction or help suggest some level of inadequacy? Hmmm.. I wonder... does it have to ? Or do we just carelessly let it?
"The funny thing is- most of us do respect the man in our lives and often don't realize when our words or actions convey exactly the opposite. We may be totally perplexed when our man responds negatively in a conversation, helplessly wondering, What did I say? Combine this with the difficulty many men have articulating their feelings (i.e., why they are upset), and you've got a combustible - and frustrating situation." ( p.24)
I recognize the anger when it happens.... but am just now learning to backtrack to the last few things I said and recheck them for something that could be understood as disrespect or condescension. Sometimes it's obvious... I know what I meant and I know how it sounded. And he's got a reason to be angry and I've got a responsibility to repent. But sometimes it is a genuine mistake - and checking in with him on how he understood what I just said helps - offering different words as well as encouragement helps lessen the tension and keeps us on track of what we really want to talk about rather than tripping us off into an emotional 'discussion' neither of us really enjoys of the past and present mistakes we make with each other.
Most of all, from the seminar and these few pages - I loved learning about the source of respect, again. It's counter-cultural, and so I needed to be reminded of it. The world doesn't often set out to reinforce God's truths... so if we just 'go with the flow' of what's around us, we will find ourselves quickly as unhappy as the rest of the married couples we are called to be a light to.
"Just as you want the man in your life to love you unconditionally, even when you're not particularly lovable, your man needs you to demonstrate your respect for him regardless of whether he's meeting your expectations at the moment. ( A-HA!)(Duh - I know... but still A- ha!)
'We've become such a love- dominated culture,' Dr. Eggerichs says. (Of Love and Respect.) 'Like the Beatles said,'All you need is love.' So we've come to think that love should be unconditional, but respect must be earned. Instead, what men need is unconditional respect - to be respected for who they are {i.e. our husbands}, apart from how they do."
"... Just as our men can choose to demonstrate love towards us even if they don't feel it at the moment, we can and should choose to demonstrate respect toward them. In fact, the Greek word translated as 'respect' in Ephesians (5) , phobeo, means to be in awe of , to revere. It's not just a matter of bland regard. We are supposed to be highly valuing our men! " ( pgs. 26, 27, For Women Only)
God gives us the ability to do that - to offer respect unconditionally and to highly value - based on worth much more than just in the moment. We might not be practiced at it, and it may seem foreign, especially in those moments of conflict or disagreement, but that is when it is all the more applicable. After all, we are thankful when they choose to love us in our unloveable moments.... and we have a lot of them. We might find a lot more of our unloveable moments covered by unconditional love as we offer the same kind of respect.
God's wisdom is amazing. When we give up on the game of 'who goes first'.... and just obey God in relating to our mate for the sake of HIS worthiness.... we find alot more of the peace, hope and genuine contentment His truth promises.
When I sit down and think about it... I have no problem with respect. I think my husband is wonderful, and I can think of non-stop reasons why. Now, however, to let that be the mindset of every moment, not just the ones with an absence of conflict.
To let God's wisdom be the guide of my role in marriage... so that He can be more fully glorified. ( And Jason and I both would reap the fringe benefits of that...:-)
It's worth it's own post so I will come back to it.
Also, Jason and I got to go to a Family Life Marriage Seminar a couple of weeks ago - and while there we picked up two books by Shaunti Feldhahn - "For Women Only' is the one I am reading, and Jason is reading the one for guys. ("For Men Only." Of course Jason, being the overachieving reader - is reading both.
I have to admit, I'm always embarrassed to read things that sound so simple but they are for me a 'lightbulb' or 'aha' moment - but I embrace them the same, and for me, today, I read a little part in this book that turned the light on.
In the book, Shaunti sets forth the results of a survey asking men whether they would rather feel unloved and unwanted, or inadequate and disrespected. Results overwhelmingly showed that while the majority of women would rather feel disrespected, most men would rather feel unloved. And there is a difference. That alone made me think twice.
Which would you rather feel?
When it comes to respecting my husband, I think much of the difficulty with this for me personally is defining respect. Most often we start and work from the definitions in our own head - which is great if your definition matches up with the one who's expectations you are trying to meet. But it's takes a while in life to discover you might need to check in and make sure your definintion is the same in the first place before you start trying to plan all the ways to live up to it!
She mentions that if we want to be clued in, a 'disrespect barometer' in men is anger.
Very simple.
Very a-ha for me.
I know we do it to men .... a simple comment and all the sudden they find themselves in a muck with us they didn't see coming and want desperately to get out of, and they can't even figure out how they got there in the first place. It's so clear to us, and to every woman we might later share it with. :-)
But as intuitive as we think we are, we just don't get that we do the very same things just as cluelessly.
'I'm just trying to help'.
'It's so obvious what needs to be done...'
'If you would just...'
And if you are like me, (and female), you may read those phrases, think of the last time you thought or said them, and can justify exactly why you were right.
Umm Hmm.
That's what I didn't get. I'm a help meet... a ' helper' - thats what I DO... I'm supposed to help! Right? How in the world can I offer help and not come across critical?!? Doesn't the very nature of a correction or help suggest some level of inadequacy? Hmmm.. I wonder... does it have to ? Or do we just carelessly let it?
"The funny thing is- most of us do respect the man in our lives and often don't realize when our words or actions convey exactly the opposite. We may be totally perplexed when our man responds negatively in a conversation, helplessly wondering, What did I say? Combine this with the difficulty many men have articulating their feelings (i.e., why they are upset), and you've got a combustible - and frustrating situation." ( p.24)
I recognize the anger when it happens.... but am just now learning to backtrack to the last few things I said and recheck them for something that could be understood as disrespect or condescension. Sometimes it's obvious... I know what I meant and I know how it sounded. And he's got a reason to be angry and I've got a responsibility to repent. But sometimes it is a genuine mistake - and checking in with him on how he understood what I just said helps - offering different words as well as encouragement helps lessen the tension and keeps us on track of what we really want to talk about rather than tripping us off into an emotional 'discussion' neither of us really enjoys of the past and present mistakes we make with each other.
Most of all, from the seminar and these few pages - I loved learning about the source of respect, again. It's counter-cultural, and so I needed to be reminded of it. The world doesn't often set out to reinforce God's truths... so if we just 'go with the flow' of what's around us, we will find ourselves quickly as unhappy as the rest of the married couples we are called to be a light to.
"Just as you want the man in your life to love you unconditionally, even when you're not particularly lovable, your man needs you to demonstrate your respect for him regardless of whether he's meeting your expectations at the moment. ( A-HA!)(Duh - I know... but still A- ha!)
'We've become such a love- dominated culture,' Dr. Eggerichs says. (Of Love and Respect.) 'Like the Beatles said,'All you need is love.' So we've come to think that love should be unconditional, but respect must be earned. Instead, what men need is unconditional respect - to be respected for who they are {i.e. our husbands}, apart from how they do."
"... Just as our men can choose to demonstrate love towards us even if they don't feel it at the moment, we can and should choose to demonstrate respect toward them. In fact, the Greek word translated as 'respect' in Ephesians (5) , phobeo, means to be in awe of , to revere. It's not just a matter of bland regard. We are supposed to be highly valuing our men! " ( pgs. 26, 27, For Women Only)
God gives us the ability to do that - to offer respect unconditionally and to highly value - based on worth much more than just in the moment. We might not be practiced at it, and it may seem foreign, especially in those moments of conflict or disagreement, but that is when it is all the more applicable. After all, we are thankful when they choose to love us in our unloveable moments.... and we have a lot of them. We might find a lot more of our unloveable moments covered by unconditional love as we offer the same kind of respect.
God's wisdom is amazing. When we give up on the game of 'who goes first'.... and just obey God in relating to our mate for the sake of HIS worthiness.... we find alot more of the peace, hope and genuine contentment His truth promises.
When I sit down and think about it... I have no problem with respect. I think my husband is wonderful, and I can think of non-stop reasons why. Now, however, to let that be the mindset of every moment, not just the ones with an absence of conflict.
To let God's wisdom be the guide of my role in marriage... so that He can be more fully glorified. ( And Jason and I both would reap the fringe benefits of that...:-)
Random catch -up
Okay-
I have slowed down in posting some... just rearranging schedules and priorities some, and in doing so I haven't been able to get to this as much. But I will try and be a little more frequent!
Got to go to Branson with my dad, Meme, Susan and Charles this weekend .... it was tiring but fun.
I can remember as a kid hating the heat, hating the lines, but LOVING the atmosphere.... and I think that is a pretty universal feeling for kids. And growing up hasn't changed it. We loved it and the kids were wiped out. It was great. I can see how the passes we bought are a much bigger investment that we realized at the time.
Fun... enjoyment....rest.... laughter.... they all lend to a family cohesion and appreciation of each other that can get lost in day to day routine. I love making these memories.
Julia is always deciding what she wants to be when she grows up. Usually it's a doctor and a cowgirl.
This morning however, she announced that she wants Eli to be a Captain and she will be the first mate that gets to say "Aye Aye, Captain." Hee hee.
(I'm betting that won't last long, though.)
I have slowed down in posting some... just rearranging schedules and priorities some, and in doing so I haven't been able to get to this as much. But I will try and be a little more frequent!
Got to go to Branson with my dad, Meme, Susan and Charles this weekend .... it was tiring but fun.
I can remember as a kid hating the heat, hating the lines, but LOVING the atmosphere.... and I think that is a pretty universal feeling for kids. And growing up hasn't changed it. We loved it and the kids were wiped out. It was great. I can see how the passes we bought are a much bigger investment that we realized at the time.
Fun... enjoyment....rest.... laughter.... they all lend to a family cohesion and appreciation of each other that can get lost in day to day routine. I love making these memories.
Julia is always deciding what she wants to be when she grows up. Usually it's a doctor and a cowgirl.
This morning however, she announced that she wants Eli to be a Captain and she will be the first mate that gets to say "Aye Aye, Captain." Hee hee.
(I'm betting that won't last long, though.)
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Checking out of reality.
Saw "United 93" Last night.
Wow.
Movies are usually an escape. Or so I say. I can honestly say I have never sat through a movie physically uncomfortable and shaky from beginning to end. It is sobering, especially in the fact that for once you have no room to talk yourself into the possibilities for the ending.
It seems to be a very objective movie when it comes to the possibiliteies it makes conjectures about and it fills in the blanks realistically.
Much like I imagine the news is supposed to be, but never comes close to being anymore. You witness the events- without the commentaries.
Ordinary people making extraordinary moves ... because *life* demanded it.
I couldn't sleep last night. There is something about movies that let you check in and out of reality easily, but when the movies reflect life and there is no 5 minute thriller wrap up at the end... you think a long while on that.
It makes me wonder, even though I don't watch a ton of tv or movies anymore, how many real moments I have checked out of for the convenience of a "nicer, more pleasent" reality. It makes me wonder why we as a culture are so easy to take by surprise, and left dumfounded by evil.
On different scales, the moments that shock us continue every day. Darfur, Invisible children, and the man a few blocks away that that tried to kidnap a child.
I don't want to become more aware of the depths of evil in this world or paranoid by what I see as I open my eyes. But I certainly want to become more passionate and connected to the power of our God and His ability to change it.
He wants to use us to do it. I wonder how available we make ourselves? Or is it easier to check out?
Wow.
Movies are usually an escape. Or so I say. I can honestly say I have never sat through a movie physically uncomfortable and shaky from beginning to end. It is sobering, especially in the fact that for once you have no room to talk yourself into the possibilities for the ending.
It seems to be a very objective movie when it comes to the possibiliteies it makes conjectures about and it fills in the blanks realistically.
Much like I imagine the news is supposed to be, but never comes close to being anymore. You witness the events- without the commentaries.
Ordinary people making extraordinary moves ... because *life* demanded it.
I couldn't sleep last night. There is something about movies that let you check in and out of reality easily, but when the movies reflect life and there is no 5 minute thriller wrap up at the end... you think a long while on that.
It makes me wonder, even though I don't watch a ton of tv or movies anymore, how many real moments I have checked out of for the convenience of a "nicer, more pleasent" reality. It makes me wonder why we as a culture are so easy to take by surprise, and left dumfounded by evil.
On different scales, the moments that shock us continue every day. Darfur, Invisible children, and the man a few blocks away that that tried to kidnap a child.
I don't want to become more aware of the depths of evil in this world or paranoid by what I see as I open my eyes. But I certainly want to become more passionate and connected to the power of our God and His ability to change it.
He wants to use us to do it. I wonder how available we make ourselves? Or is it easier to check out?
Friday, April 21, 2006
Sherlock Holmes wears the panties in our family. (Or not).
I can't tell you how encouraging you all are.
I'm out of my league in friendships. God just works that way though. Thanks for blessing me with your thoughts.
Have to share this one... straight from Julia.
Apparently, she couldn't "hold it" tonight.
She brought the wet clothes to daddy, with guilty face and apology ready.
Jason asked her where the 'accident' happened. She pointed in one direction in the kitchen, but Jason saw a puddle in another spot. He cleaned up what he saw, and then asked her again about where her "accident" was, because looking around, he couldn't see what she had pointed to.
She matter-of-factly said:
'Daddy, if you take your shoes and socks off, you can find it.'
Yep.
Apparently he didn't.
Sure enough, about an hour later, I did. :-)
I'm out of my league in friendships. God just works that way though. Thanks for blessing me with your thoughts.
Have to share this one... straight from Julia.
Apparently, she couldn't "hold it" tonight.
She brought the wet clothes to daddy, with guilty face and apology ready.
Jason asked her where the 'accident' happened. She pointed in one direction in the kitchen, but Jason saw a puddle in another spot. He cleaned up what he saw, and then asked her again about where her "accident" was, because looking around, he couldn't see what she had pointed to.
She matter-of-factly said:
'Daddy, if you take your shoes and socks off, you can find it.'
Yep.
Apparently he didn't.
Sure enough, about an hour later, I did. :-)
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Lost gameboys and worshipping God...
Eli lost his gameboy a week ago.
If you know us, you know this is traumatic. He loves that thing. I do think it is a blessing, for the time being - even as I do hope for his sake we find it.
The painful part was his prayer tonight.
"Dear God, Please Please please help me find my gameboy. Please help me find it right away in the morning, when I first wake up. I have asked you every night for three nights to please please help me find it.
You can do it. You have all the power. I don't know why you don't want to? It's sort of confusing to me. But please help me find it. In Jesus name, Amen."
He walked away, blew his nose ( Allergy season!) and as he threw his tissue away, he began to pray again.
"God, thank you for mom and dad and Julia. Thanks for this day too. Amen"
He looked at me and said;
"You know mom, every time I go to pray, all I can think about is my gameboy. But I know those other things are important and God wants to hear about them too."
_________________
I remember somewhere along the way learning not to pray such things. Much like the disciples told the children not to approach Jesus. Jesus taught them otherwise. I'm once again learning to pray for help to find my keys when they're lost. :-) Eli's already got the lesson learned from the persistent widow in practice...:-)
Bigger than that though, is the process of learning that God isn't Santa Claus. He's better. And I would say that my pain is because it is hard for a 6 year old to comprehend that, but in reality, his prayer is so touching because it is so honestly where we all have been at one point or another, even as adults.
I prayed the same words when I desperately wanted to be free of panic attacks, & anxiety. I've prayed it over lesser wants. I prayed it when our daughter was dying.
There is something painful about the process of comprehending just how great God's power is, and then understanding it's not always "up for grabs" in the manner that we ask just because we ask for it.
Some experience that, and upon learning it, walk away. I did, for a while.
The temptation comes when we perceive a "no", or at least a delay in God's response to us. We begin to tell ourselves that maybe He doesn't really exist, or maybe He's not so powerful. Or maybe we're not worthy. And then our anger is directed to God for making us this way and then not accepting us.... the lies all take different forms, but they are all pretty powerful.
In my case, I tried to talk myself into being an atheist. I wasn't successful in the depths of my heart, in spite genuine effort and motivation at the time. His presence and existence are just undeniable, and was so even in my anger. So I settled for believing in Him, but refusing to worship a God that would allow such things to happen and refuse to answer such simple prayers.
What a common spiritual battle... God battles for us to really know Him. Satan battles for us to shallowly believe we already do.
I'm thankful for the story of the prodigal son. And Peter. And the sinful woman. I'm thankful I had precedence to come back after such actions.
Somewhere along the way we begin to limit our image of God to our own sense of justice and logic. No wonder we would quickly tire of worshipping Him. If He didn't call us to a greater understanding of Himself outside the perimeters of ourselves, we would most likely end up worshipping the mirror... being impressed with all the good things we could call God into action for.
But His "No's", and His delays... His permission for pain to enter our life; they all make us take a second glance at who we think He is. The doubts bring about right questions... and if hang in there and we really grapple with them, we get deeper, better, answers than the superficial ones we often satisfied ourselves with previously.
No doubt, this is a risk.
Some walk away, for a time. Some walk away forever.
But for those that grapple with it - for those that begin to understand their place in relation to Him instead of His power in relation to them...they win. He gains worshippers who truly serve Him and not an image of Him in their own mind, and they find what they had always hoped was there...
Invincible power.
Eternal love.
Presence and working in every situation.
Promises and Trust.
Peace.
Real peace.
Even when the gameboy stays lost and the daughter remains in the grave. (For now....)
I grew up learning of God. I thought I knew God was powerful. I thought I understood His love and goodness.
But in His refusal to instantly gratify some of my wants, in His willingness to tell me no, I began to understand a depth of His power and the intensity of
His love that far superseded my imagination.
And the peace I rest in daily because of that assurance is more satisfying than any artificial peace I would have created by having every whim my limited imagination could dream up answered and put into place.
God has said yes to things I never even dared to pray out of embarrassment. He has said no to things I desperately pleaded for.
And I have learned He is worthy of every last bit of praise I have to offer... everytime.
If you know us, you know this is traumatic. He loves that thing. I do think it is a blessing, for the time being - even as I do hope for his sake we find it.
The painful part was his prayer tonight.
"Dear God, Please Please please help me find my gameboy. Please help me find it right away in the morning, when I first wake up. I have asked you every night for three nights to please please help me find it.
You can do it. You have all the power. I don't know why you don't want to? It's sort of confusing to me. But please help me find it. In Jesus name, Amen."
He walked away, blew his nose ( Allergy season!) and as he threw his tissue away, he began to pray again.
"God, thank you for mom and dad and Julia. Thanks for this day too. Amen"
He looked at me and said;
"You know mom, every time I go to pray, all I can think about is my gameboy. But I know those other things are important and God wants to hear about them too."
_________________
I remember somewhere along the way learning not to pray such things. Much like the disciples told the children not to approach Jesus. Jesus taught them otherwise. I'm once again learning to pray for help to find my keys when they're lost. :-) Eli's already got the lesson learned from the persistent widow in practice...:-)
Bigger than that though, is the process of learning that God isn't Santa Claus. He's better. And I would say that my pain is because it is hard for a 6 year old to comprehend that, but in reality, his prayer is so touching because it is so honestly where we all have been at one point or another, even as adults.
I prayed the same words when I desperately wanted to be free of panic attacks, & anxiety. I've prayed it over lesser wants. I prayed it when our daughter was dying.
There is something painful about the process of comprehending just how great God's power is, and then understanding it's not always "up for grabs" in the manner that we ask just because we ask for it.
Some experience that, and upon learning it, walk away. I did, for a while.
The temptation comes when we perceive a "no", or at least a delay in God's response to us. We begin to tell ourselves that maybe He doesn't really exist, or maybe He's not so powerful. Or maybe we're not worthy. And then our anger is directed to God for making us this way and then not accepting us.... the lies all take different forms, but they are all pretty powerful.
In my case, I tried to talk myself into being an atheist. I wasn't successful in the depths of my heart, in spite genuine effort and motivation at the time. His presence and existence are just undeniable, and was so even in my anger. So I settled for believing in Him, but refusing to worship a God that would allow such things to happen and refuse to answer such simple prayers.
What a common spiritual battle... God battles for us to really know Him. Satan battles for us to shallowly believe we already do.
I'm thankful for the story of the prodigal son. And Peter. And the sinful woman. I'm thankful I had precedence to come back after such actions.
Somewhere along the way we begin to limit our image of God to our own sense of justice and logic. No wonder we would quickly tire of worshipping Him. If He didn't call us to a greater understanding of Himself outside the perimeters of ourselves, we would most likely end up worshipping the mirror... being impressed with all the good things we could call God into action for.
But His "No's", and His delays... His permission for pain to enter our life; they all make us take a second glance at who we think He is. The doubts bring about right questions... and if hang in there and we really grapple with them, we get deeper, better, answers than the superficial ones we often satisfied ourselves with previously.
No doubt, this is a risk.
Some walk away, for a time. Some walk away forever.
But for those that grapple with it - for those that begin to understand their place in relation to Him instead of His power in relation to them...they win. He gains worshippers who truly serve Him and not an image of Him in their own mind, and they find what they had always hoped was there...
Invincible power.
Eternal love.
Presence and working in every situation.
Promises and Trust.
Peace.
Real peace.
Even when the gameboy stays lost and the daughter remains in the grave. (For now....)
I grew up learning of God. I thought I knew God was powerful. I thought I understood His love and goodness.
But in His refusal to instantly gratify some of my wants, in His willingness to tell me no, I began to understand a depth of His power and the intensity of
His love that far superseded my imagination.
And the peace I rest in daily because of that assurance is more satisfying than any artificial peace I would have created by having every whim my limited imagination could dream up answered and put into place.
God has said yes to things I never even dared to pray out of embarrassment. He has said no to things I desperately pleaded for.
And I have learned He is worthy of every last bit of praise I have to offer... everytime.
Pain in the neck. (Yep, really.)
So I woke up this morning with quite a bit of pain in my neck. ( Not proverbial.)
Our dear, wonderful friend Shawn (who's a physcial therapist) came by and worked on my head, neck and shoulders, helping immensely ( THANK YOU!) , and informed me once again that my computer and posture is the culprit behind my pain.
Somehow his suggestions for improvement evoked feelings in me much like what I imagine an addict being told about what they have to do to rehab feels like.....
But I'm still blogging for a minute.:-)
Just one more time. I can do it. It won't hurt anyone!
I'll start being better tomorrow.
Oh yeah. I do have a problem. But if admitting it is half the problem... I'll just start there tonight.
Just kidding. I'm sitting up tall, and facing the screen directly RIGHT NOW!
Our dear, wonderful friend Shawn (who's a physcial therapist) came by and worked on my head, neck and shoulders, helping immensely ( THANK YOU!) , and informed me once again that my computer and posture is the culprit behind my pain.
Somehow his suggestions for improvement evoked feelings in me much like what I imagine an addict being told about what they have to do to rehab feels like.....
But I'm still blogging for a minute.:-)
Just one more time. I can do it. It won't hurt anyone!
I'll start being better tomorrow.
Oh yeah. I do have a problem. But if admitting it is half the problem... I'll just start there tonight.
Just kidding. I'm sitting up tall, and facing the screen directly RIGHT NOW!
Monday, April 10, 2006
You know she really likes you when....
It cracks me up, but when Julia feels especially affectionate, she doesn't use the normal "I love you" or similar terms to express it.
No, instead she slides up beside you with a side hug and says to you:
"I like your shirt."
Doesn't matter what you are wearing. Doesn't matter where you are... church, in the yard, cleaning, just got done exercising, if you are mom or a stranger.
If she just feels like she likes you right then, she says it.
"I like your shirt."
And she says it so cutely, you sort of feel happy- like you really do have a nice shirt on, and are pretty special since she thinks so about you.
Oh that I could use that line with the same power & influence whenever I wanted to!
No, instead she slides up beside you with a side hug and says to you:
"I like your shirt."
Doesn't matter what you are wearing. Doesn't matter where you are... church, in the yard, cleaning, just got done exercising, if you are mom or a stranger.
If she just feels like she likes you right then, she says it.
"I like your shirt."
And she says it so cutely, you sort of feel happy- like you really do have a nice shirt on, and are pretty special since she thinks so about you.
Oh that I could use that line with the same power & influence whenever I wanted to!
Kindergarten has the best diet plan
Sitting at the table yesterday, Julia decides to assert that apple juice is her favorite drink. In typical sibling fashion, Eli decides to see if he can take issue with the appropriateness of her choice.
Eli - "I don't even know if apple juice is healthy Julia."
Me - "Well, it's not as healthy as eating an actual apple, but it's a lot healthier than a Coke."
Eli - "Yeah, Coke doesn't even have vitamins. It goes in the fats and oils, and sweets category."
Leave it to the good old food pyramid to blow my vision of my favorite drink!
Eli - "I don't even know if apple juice is healthy Julia."
Me - "Well, it's not as healthy as eating an actual apple, but it's a lot healthier than a Coke."
Eli - "Yeah, Coke doesn't even have vitamins. It goes in the fats and oils, and sweets category."
Leave it to the good old food pyramid to blow my vision of my favorite drink!
Monday, April 03, 2006
How much do we trust Him?
Been catching up on good reading lately. I have been captivated by reading the book "End of the Spear" by Steve Saint - a much more in-depth look at the story portrayed in the recent movie. It is captivating to me...and I wanted to share a little of it. At this moment, I am reading Steve's writings of the conversation with the Waodani that took place following his aunt's death, and revealing the actual details of how his father and the other 4 missionaries were killed, and by whose hand. I guess this is especially fascinating to me, because as this was occurring, I was in the same country learning the original story of what had happened as well. I'll share the parts that have impacted me the most this week.
"Several years ago, my dad's brother Sam died. His daughter told me that he wanted me to have a spear that had been found in Dad's body. She gave me several, but did not know which one it was. When I got them home and was alone, I finally looked at them closely. It was hard to do, but one of them caught my attention. The tip had broken off. I noticed a speck of white near the tip. I examined it closely and saw that it was a tiny fragment of a New Testament that had been taken from the beach. It is customary for the Waodani warriors to decorate the spears they are going to use on their enemies with something that belongs to that enemy or something that would be associated with that enemy. There was little doubt that I was actually holding the spear that took my dad's life.
....The Wadoani had one more burning question for me, and then we were all anxious to change the subject. One of the men who had not been a part of the spearing party asked me, " All the other foreigners being speared, the smallest one got to the far side of the river; what about that? What about what? I wondered. "What did he do?" I asked. Another warrior answered, "Not fleeing, he just stood their and called to us, 'We see you well; why are you spearing us? We see you well; why are you spearing us?'" ... Their question was, " Being on the far side of the river, why was he not fleeing?"
"Surely fleeing, you would have just tracked him down and speared him anyway?" I meant it as a question, but I know the Waodani are expert trackers. Even I could probably track someone wearing tennis shoes.
The Waodani said "Baa"- No. One of the warriors told me, as though he was revealing a dark secret, "When we speared, first we were furious. Then having speared, we were afraid. If he had fled just a little, surely he would have lived. "
I could see the pain on their faces. They were all wishing that at least one of the five had survived their hatred. I think they would have liked to have been able to explain to at least one of the men that they had gone to spear them because hatred was the only way they knew to live then. As Mincaye says "We acted badly, badly until they brought us God's carvings. Now, seeing His markings and following His trail, we live happily and in peace. "
(** Now I know this is long, but the following is the part I love. It carries weight because it is not a flippant, untested statement, but one rooted firmly in love and faith that has been weathered and born though the reality of pain and loss. - h )
It is only my conjecture, because none of us can know the will of God, but I think it fit God's plan that all five men died. I know that might offend some who have a narrower opinion of parameters within which God must operate, but I don't think what happened to my dad and his four friends caught God by surprise. Nor do I think God simply allowed it. No, after learning in detail what happened on January 8, 1956 - while I was so anxiously waiting to see the speck of my dad's little 56 Henry airplane appear over Penny Ridge- I believe God was much more involved in what happened than merely failing to intervene.
... If I could go back now and rewrite the script, I would not change a single scene. I have come to understand that life is too complex and much too short to let amateurs direct the story. I would rather let the Master Storyteller do the writing. I don't say that casually....
The details Steve Saint shares of the impact and results of that day are profound.
The scene John records in Revelation 6:9-11 in fresh on my mind because of a recent look at his life and writings:
"When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the alter the souls of those who had been slain because of the word of God and the testimony they had maintained. They called out in a loud voice, "How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the earth and avenge our blood?" Then each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to wait a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and brother who were to be killed as they had been was completed."
What I love is that the picture of God is one of patience because of His eternal vision and faithfulness. He knows of our capacity to change and turn from even the darkest lifestyle because of the power of love and faithfulness.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ( Rev. 21:4)
Gikita, the Waodani Indian who fueled and led the spearing raid on the five missionaries that day, got a taste and a glimpse of this peace & promise of God because of God's holy patience and the faithfulness of men willing to die for what they knew to be true of God. They were ready to die. The Waodani were not.
After Steve shared with Gikita the news of Rachel Saint's death, Gikita responded:
"Babae, being old I, too am soon going to die. Going to live, then, in God's place, I will wrap my arms around your father, whom I speared first. There we will live happily together."
What an amazing God we serve. What an amazing gift He offered us. What an amazing story He continues to tell the world through us, if we let Him.
"Several years ago, my dad's brother Sam died. His daughter told me that he wanted me to have a spear that had been found in Dad's body. She gave me several, but did not know which one it was. When I got them home and was alone, I finally looked at them closely. It was hard to do, but one of them caught my attention. The tip had broken off. I noticed a speck of white near the tip. I examined it closely and saw that it was a tiny fragment of a New Testament that had been taken from the beach. It is customary for the Waodani warriors to decorate the spears they are going to use on their enemies with something that belongs to that enemy or something that would be associated with that enemy. There was little doubt that I was actually holding the spear that took my dad's life.
....The Wadoani had one more burning question for me, and then we were all anxious to change the subject. One of the men who had not been a part of the spearing party asked me, " All the other foreigners being speared, the smallest one got to the far side of the river; what about that? What about what? I wondered. "What did he do?" I asked. Another warrior answered, "Not fleeing, he just stood their and called to us, 'We see you well; why are you spearing us? We see you well; why are you spearing us?'" ... Their question was, " Being on the far side of the river, why was he not fleeing?"
"Surely fleeing, you would have just tracked him down and speared him anyway?" I meant it as a question, but I know the Waodani are expert trackers. Even I could probably track someone wearing tennis shoes.
The Waodani said "Baa"- No. One of the warriors told me, as though he was revealing a dark secret, "When we speared, first we were furious. Then having speared, we were afraid. If he had fled just a little, surely he would have lived. "
I could see the pain on their faces. They were all wishing that at least one of the five had survived their hatred. I think they would have liked to have been able to explain to at least one of the men that they had gone to spear them because hatred was the only way they knew to live then. As Mincaye says "We acted badly, badly until they brought us God's carvings. Now, seeing His markings and following His trail, we live happily and in peace. "
(** Now I know this is long, but the following is the part I love. It carries weight because it is not a flippant, untested statement, but one rooted firmly in love and faith that has been weathered and born though the reality of pain and loss. - h )
It is only my conjecture, because none of us can know the will of God, but I think it fit God's plan that all five men died. I know that might offend some who have a narrower opinion of parameters within which God must operate, but I don't think what happened to my dad and his four friends caught God by surprise. Nor do I think God simply allowed it. No, after learning in detail what happened on January 8, 1956 - while I was so anxiously waiting to see the speck of my dad's little 56 Henry airplane appear over Penny Ridge- I believe God was much more involved in what happened than merely failing to intervene.
... If I could go back now and rewrite the script, I would not change a single scene. I have come to understand that life is too complex and much too short to let amateurs direct the story. I would rather let the Master Storyteller do the writing. I don't say that casually....
The details Steve Saint shares of the impact and results of that day are profound.
The scene John records in Revelation 6:9-11 in fresh on my mind because of a recent look at his life and writings:
"When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the alter the souls of those who had been slain because of the word of God and the testimony they had maintained. They called out in a loud voice, "How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the earth and avenge our blood?" Then each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to wait a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and brother who were to be killed as they had been was completed."
What I love is that the picture of God is one of patience because of His eternal vision and faithfulness. He knows of our capacity to change and turn from even the darkest lifestyle because of the power of love and faithfulness.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ( Rev. 21:4)
Gikita, the Waodani Indian who fueled and led the spearing raid on the five missionaries that day, got a taste and a glimpse of this peace & promise of God because of God's holy patience and the faithfulness of men willing to die for what they knew to be true of God. They were ready to die. The Waodani were not.
After Steve shared with Gikita the news of Rachel Saint's death, Gikita responded:
"Babae, being old I, too am soon going to die. Going to live, then, in God's place, I will wrap my arms around your father, whom I speared first. There we will live happily together."
What an amazing God we serve. What an amazing gift He offered us. What an amazing story He continues to tell the world through us, if we let Him.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
WOWEEE. What a weekend.
Wow.
HUGE AMEN to all that our amazing God did at workshop! There was more than one of us who I think were slightly skeptical in the recesses of our heart about what it would look like ... and I have been completely and rightly humbled by my God and what He taught me. I have been on this journey ... but moving at a snails pace for sure.
We are going to travel to the Christian Church's national conference ( their version of the Tulsa Workshop) and my excitement is just intensifying daily.
Hope! That is what this weekend tasted like.
What a thrilling experience to discard the suspicious attitudes and embrace brothers and sisters that love Jesus with all their heart, revere and memorize His word because they love it deeply, and be okay with the fact that we sometimes arrive at different conclusions but can still unite in calling Him Lord, spreading the fame of His gospel, and show love, support, affection and genuine unity with each other.
How humbling and deeply rewarding it was to listen to Bob Russell - a no name to me a few days ago...( I am ashamed of that. ) - and one whom I will listen much more to now. How inspiring to deal with real issues in a manner that seems consistent with all I can study on my own in His word... though inconsistent with some of what I grew up being been taught in the past.
Thank God for men who step out in faith based on conviction despite all the naysaying.
I pray I move more and more on conviction and not in fear of what others think and say and balance that with continued respect for those who genuinely differ in opinions. Still growing up there....
HUGE AMEN to all that our amazing God did at workshop! There was more than one of us who I think were slightly skeptical in the recesses of our heart about what it would look like ... and I have been completely and rightly humbled by my God and what He taught me. I have been on this journey ... but moving at a snails pace for sure.
We are going to travel to the Christian Church's national conference ( their version of the Tulsa Workshop) and my excitement is just intensifying daily.
Hope! That is what this weekend tasted like.
What a thrilling experience to discard the suspicious attitudes and embrace brothers and sisters that love Jesus with all their heart, revere and memorize His word because they love it deeply, and be okay with the fact that we sometimes arrive at different conclusions but can still unite in calling Him Lord, spreading the fame of His gospel, and show love, support, affection and genuine unity with each other.
How humbling and deeply rewarding it was to listen to Bob Russell - a no name to me a few days ago...( I am ashamed of that. ) - and one whom I will listen much more to now. How inspiring to deal with real issues in a manner that seems consistent with all I can study on my own in His word... though inconsistent with some of what I grew up being been taught in the past.
Thank God for men who step out in faith based on conviction despite all the naysaying.
I pray I move more and more on conviction and not in fear of what others think and say and balance that with continued respect for those who genuinely differ in opinions. Still growing up there....
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Autograph shmatograph.
So we got an unexpected surprise... and got to go see "The Wizard of Oz" children's play on this wonderfully rainy morning.
The kids loved it, and afterwards... we were in line to meet and greet the actors/actressess, as Julia really wanted to hug Dorothy. They had both picked up coloring sheets and many of the kids were asking the cast to autograph their papers. So I leaned down and asked Eli if he wanted them to sign his sheet. His reply?
"No, it's already signed."
I looked down, and sure enough, he had printed his own name in big bold yellow crayon right at the top.
Guess that's all he needed. :-)
The kids loved it, and afterwards... we were in line to meet and greet the actors/actressess, as Julia really wanted to hug Dorothy. They had both picked up coloring sheets and many of the kids were asking the cast to autograph their papers. So I leaned down and asked Eli if he wanted them to sign his sheet. His reply?
"No, it's already signed."
I looked down, and sure enough, he had printed his own name in big bold yellow crayon right at the top.
Guess that's all he needed. :-)
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Make time to smell the roses, and listen to the important lessons....
Angie - you mentioned Rick Atchley in your comment, and I just have to tell you I listened to a sermon of his just tonight that has me up late, studying, writing and profoundly impacted. It is powerful - and though I know I may take some heat for this, I want to put it out there because I feel like what he says could change the shape of the church with the issues we face right now, if we really got the message out there. If I could do a link right, ( TERESA - HELP ME!) I would, but I can't.
You can go to the Richland Hills website,
www.rhchurch.org
and look for sermons on the left hand - the one I listened to was from March 1st, called "Learning Division." .
IT is WORTH the WHOLE listen.
You can go to the Richland Hills website,
www.rhchurch.org
and look for sermons on the left hand - the one I listened to was from March 1st, called "Learning Division." .
IT is WORTH the WHOLE listen.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
A good quote shared...
Okay - another steal from Mike Cope who shared a quote he loved... and I in turn fell in love. But it describes perfectly some of the aspects that I love about God's word...
Barbara Brown Taylor:
For all the human handiwork it displays, the Bible remains a peculiarly holy book. I cannot think of any other text that has such authority over me, interpreting me faster than I can interpret it. It speaks to me not with the stuffy voice of some mummified sage but with the fresh, lively tones of someone who knows what happened to me an hour ago. Familiar passages accumulate meaning as I return to them again and again. They seem to grow during my absences from them; I am always finding something new in them I never found before, something designed to meet me where I am at this particular moment in time.
This is, I believe, why we call the Bible God’s “living” word. When I think about consulting a medical book thousands of years old for some insight into my health, or an equally ancient physics book for some help with my cosmology, I understand what a strange and unparalleled claim the Bible has on me. Age does not diminish its power but increases it. . . .
The word of God turned out to be plenty strong enough to withstand my curiosity. Every time I poked it, it poked me back. Every time I wrenched it around so I could see inside, it sprang back into shape the moment I was through. In short, the Bible turned out not to be a fossil under glass but a thousand different things — a mirror, a scythe, a hammock, a lantern, a pair of binoculars, a high diving board, a bridge, a goad — all of them offering themselves to me to be touched and handled and used.
I love it when someone else has good words for what my heart had been saying and feeling all along!
Barbara Brown Taylor:
For all the human handiwork it displays, the Bible remains a peculiarly holy book. I cannot think of any other text that has such authority over me, interpreting me faster than I can interpret it. It speaks to me not with the stuffy voice of some mummified sage but with the fresh, lively tones of someone who knows what happened to me an hour ago. Familiar passages accumulate meaning as I return to them again and again. They seem to grow during my absences from them; I am always finding something new in them I never found before, something designed to meet me where I am at this particular moment in time.
This is, I believe, why we call the Bible God’s “living” word. When I think about consulting a medical book thousands of years old for some insight into my health, or an equally ancient physics book for some help with my cosmology, I understand what a strange and unparalleled claim the Bible has on me. Age does not diminish its power but increases it. . . .
The word of God turned out to be plenty strong enough to withstand my curiosity. Every time I poked it, it poked me back. Every time I wrenched it around so I could see inside, it sprang back into shape the moment I was through. In short, the Bible turned out not to be a fossil under glass but a thousand different things — a mirror, a scythe, a hammock, a lantern, a pair of binoculars, a high diving board, a bridge, a goad — all of them offering themselves to me to be touched and handled and used.
I love it when someone else has good words for what my heart had been saying and feeling all along!
Saturday, March 11, 2006
It's not my party and I'll cry if I want to....
Eli was invited to a birthday party today. Julia wanted to go.
I explained that this was a boy's party, and it was just for Eli. She was not convinced.
Tearfully she replied:
"But if girls don't go to boy's parties, we won't get married?!"
Who is teaching her this stuff? Seriously!!!
I explained that this was a boy's party, and it was just for Eli. She was not convinced.
Tearfully she replied:
"But if girls don't go to boy's parties, we won't get married?!"
Who is teaching her this stuff? Seriously!!!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Out of the mouths... countinued.
Oh the joys of a food-o-phobic. Julia's a major one right now, and this week has been filled with one battle after another over her nutrition habits. Eli's kindergarten teacher even sent us a bag of marshmallows and a card today, encouraging us to have a real "food fight" with these, and to let all the other families eat their vegetables. :-) Love that. We're up for it.
We took Julia to McDonald's for lunch. She was eating a chicken nugget happy meal, and wanted to share her ketchup, which she loves, with me. She said:
"Here's some ketchup for you momma. It's to help when you don't like the potato or the chicken inside."
Yep. Food-o-phobic.
We took Julia to McDonald's for lunch. She was eating a chicken nugget happy meal, and wanted to share her ketchup, which she loves, with me. She said:
"Here's some ketchup for you momma. It's to help when you don't like the potato or the chicken inside."
Yep. Food-o-phobic.
From the mouths of babes and princessess.
Okay. I hope noone is offended by the content of the following post. However, this conversation, recorded exactly as it happened, was just too funny not to post!
It started with a conversation between Jason, Julia and I, talking about her intentions to marry Jacob.
Jason: Well, Julia, should we go ahead and buy your dress?
Julia: Nooooo Daddy. When Lily and I grow up and become princessess, then we will get married.
Jason: Oh. Well you know that nobody turns into a princess until they're 30, right?
Julia: No, Daddy, when we're 40.
Jason: Well, even better! Am I married to a princess, Julia?
Julia: No.
Jason: Your right! I'm married to a queen!
Julia: No, Momma's a princess.
Jason: But when you get married, you turn from a princess into a queen!
Julia : No, then the queen turns into the witch.
Of course, then we terrified her by our eruption of laughter.
I would hope this is simply Disney having more influence in her life rather than her actual observations, but I'm betting there are some weeks when everyone feels that way! :-)
It started with a conversation between Jason, Julia and I, talking about her intentions to marry Jacob.
Jason: Well, Julia, should we go ahead and buy your dress?
Julia: Nooooo Daddy. When Lily and I grow up and become princessess, then we will get married.
Jason: Oh. Well you know that nobody turns into a princess until they're 30, right?
Julia: No, Daddy, when we're 40.
Jason: Well, even better! Am I married to a princess, Julia?
Julia: No.
Jason: Your right! I'm married to a queen!
Julia: No, Momma's a princess.
Jason: But when you get married, you turn from a princess into a queen!
Julia : No, then the queen turns into the witch.
Of course, then we terrified her by our eruption of laughter.
I would hope this is simply Disney having more influence in her life rather than her actual observations, but I'm betting there are some weeks when everyone feels that way! :-)
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Loving what He loves, and less of self.
Been reading C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" and John Piper's "The Pleasures of God".
I think it somewhat of a divine coincidence to be reading the two at the same time, for the thoughts spurred on by writers who never knew each other , and the timing of each for the needs I have personally are just amazing.
In Ohio, at my grandmother's death, I experienced a deep hurt, a spiritual attack of sorts, one that if I explained might seem shallow to most, yet I knew was intended to transform me to the core. I've not really been able to write about it, and don't know that I will, but still find myself going through the transformation that it initiated even today, and the readings compound the process.
I wanted to share a quote from C. S. Lewis, that was especially clenching to my heart in this joyful yet difficult process of trying to give up myself :
"Son", he said, "ye cannot in your present state understand eternity....But ye can get some likeness of it if ye say that both good and evil, when they are full grown, become retrospective. Not only this valley but all earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. Not only twilight in that town, but all their life on earth, too will then be seen by the damned to have been Hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, 'No future bliss can make up for it,' not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And of some sinful pleasure they say say 'Let me but have this and I'll take the consequences': little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of the sin...."
I feel that this vision, uniquely stated for me today but that echos the timeless truths God has told us about Himself, is so critical to focus on as I try to 'love what He loves' more than I love my own desires.
As I look back ... I eagerly desire to see His victory at every turn rather than my own poor efforts at self satisfaction. What a vision, to be able to behold your own life through His power and working, ... to not have to sum up yourself at the end ... but rather to have it all defined by Him....
I think it somewhat of a divine coincidence to be reading the two at the same time, for the thoughts spurred on by writers who never knew each other , and the timing of each for the needs I have personally are just amazing.
In Ohio, at my grandmother's death, I experienced a deep hurt, a spiritual attack of sorts, one that if I explained might seem shallow to most, yet I knew was intended to transform me to the core. I've not really been able to write about it, and don't know that I will, but still find myself going through the transformation that it initiated even today, and the readings compound the process.
I wanted to share a quote from C. S. Lewis, that was especially clenching to my heart in this joyful yet difficult process of trying to give up myself :
"Son", he said, "ye cannot in your present state understand eternity....But ye can get some likeness of it if ye say that both good and evil, when they are full grown, become retrospective. Not only this valley but all earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. Not only twilight in that town, but all their life on earth, too will then be seen by the damned to have been Hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, 'No future bliss can make up for it,' not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And of some sinful pleasure they say say 'Let me but have this and I'll take the consequences': little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of the sin...."
I feel that this vision, uniquely stated for me today but that echos the timeless truths God has told us about Himself, is so critical to focus on as I try to 'love what He loves' more than I love my own desires.
As I look back ... I eagerly desire to see His victory at every turn rather than my own poor efforts at self satisfaction. What a vision, to be able to behold your own life through His power and working, ... to not have to sum up yourself at the end ... but rather to have it all defined by Him....
Sunday, February 26, 2006
11th Anniversary
11 Years.
Celebrated tonight by the sight of my husband standing on stage singing in a bathrobe to a church full of women. Hmmmm. A mental image many want to be rid of. Not what I envisioned for an anniversary dinner. :-)
I laugh, and yet, this is part of why I love him.
His confidence, his laughter, his sensitivity, his honesty... and his love for people and for God.... all intrigued me when we met. However, I wasn't always trusting of him.... and despite his sensitivity he wasn't thrown off by me. I am thankful, now.
God has used him to grow me up so much.
We are both pretty headstrong people. It is amazing we survived our first year of marriage. Many nights were marked by the immature race to slam the door & see who could peel out of the parking lot fastest & loudest, leaving the other one to 'sit at home' and think about what they'd done or said wrong...
Thankfully, God's spirit has had much more reign over the last years than the first.
My biggest desire, in all my hopes and fears of marriage, was that I would find someone who would love God more than he loved me. I knew that if I did, our marriage would have a chance of lasting.
I remember praying to God about that in my heart, and later, having a conversation with Jason ( before we were really dating) when he replied to a 'hypothetical' question with that very response...
And I thought to myself "Him, Lord?!?"
What a sweet yes God gave me just a few years later.
Through Jason, He has humbled me, and showed me how to forgive and ask forgiveness. He has loved the most unloveable parts of me. He has confronted me, challenged me, ignored me, prayed with me and for me. He has lifted me up, served me, protected me and put up with me. How rare it is to find a person who will not only tolerate, but embrace knowing another human so intimately, despite the mess they encounter.
I understand why marriage is such a window into the divine relationship we have with God.
Any imperfections, and even the sum of all of them, don't compare to the joy of pursuing God in the comfort of a relationship with someone who is doing the same. And in fact, that comfort redefines all the imperfections in the first place.
So bathrobe and all...
I'll be beyond blessed to take as many more years as the Lord will give us! :-)
Celebrated tonight by the sight of my husband standing on stage singing in a bathrobe to a church full of women. Hmmmm. A mental image many want to be rid of. Not what I envisioned for an anniversary dinner. :-)
I laugh, and yet, this is part of why I love him.
His confidence, his laughter, his sensitivity, his honesty... and his love for people and for God.... all intrigued me when we met. However, I wasn't always trusting of him.... and despite his sensitivity he wasn't thrown off by me. I am thankful, now.
God has used him to grow me up so much.
We are both pretty headstrong people. It is amazing we survived our first year of marriage. Many nights were marked by the immature race to slam the door & see who could peel out of the parking lot fastest & loudest, leaving the other one to 'sit at home' and think about what they'd done or said wrong...
Thankfully, God's spirit has had much more reign over the last years than the first.
My biggest desire, in all my hopes and fears of marriage, was that I would find someone who would love God more than he loved me. I knew that if I did, our marriage would have a chance of lasting.
I remember praying to God about that in my heart, and later, having a conversation with Jason ( before we were really dating) when he replied to a 'hypothetical' question with that very response...
And I thought to myself "Him, Lord?!?"
What a sweet yes God gave me just a few years later.
Through Jason, He has humbled me, and showed me how to forgive and ask forgiveness. He has loved the most unloveable parts of me. He has confronted me, challenged me, ignored me, prayed with me and for me. He has lifted me up, served me, protected me and put up with me. How rare it is to find a person who will not only tolerate, but embrace knowing another human so intimately, despite the mess they encounter.
I understand why marriage is such a window into the divine relationship we have with God.
Any imperfections, and even the sum of all of them, don't compare to the joy of pursuing God in the comfort of a relationship with someone who is doing the same. And in fact, that comfort redefines all the imperfections in the first place.
So bathrobe and all...
I'll be beyond blessed to take as many more years as the Lord will give us! :-)
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
I am only 3, but I am woman... hear me roar....
Okay. Obviously the last post gave just a taste of insight into the power struggle going on in our house at this stage in Julia's life.
I admit... it has been rough lately with her.
Have you ever had a thought.. and simultaneously as you speak it, the other person says something else? Those moments can be funny, awkward, or perfectly classic. This morning Julia and I had a moment... that I thought summed up where we are at perfectly.
We were having a 'pouty face stare off'... and I finally shifted to a smile... as did she. I scooped her up into my arms, hugging her, and said "You are such a little independant thing...." while at the same time, hugging me tightly, she said "I think I'm gonna marry myself."
At this point, I think so too. :-)
I admit... it has been rough lately with her.
Have you ever had a thought.. and simultaneously as you speak it, the other person says something else? Those moments can be funny, awkward, or perfectly classic. This morning Julia and I had a moment... that I thought summed up where we are at perfectly.
We were having a 'pouty face stare off'... and I finally shifted to a smile... as did she. I scooped her up into my arms, hugging her, and said "You are such a little independant thing...." while at the same time, hugging me tightly, she said "I think I'm gonna marry myself."
At this point, I think so too. :-)
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